Cadillacs were designed by the devil. Ours in particular has reached a certain level of hellishness that is seldom matched. Drives like a cow, parks like a cow, smells like golf....that will need some explaining. All my dad's golf stuff is in the back and in the trunk and it's become one big cloud of sweat and grass and dirt that settles upon the nose and tenaciously refuses to let go until you've opened the window and stuck your head out of it several times. One of the reasons I despise the sport of golf. It's that bad. On top of all this, I can barely see over the steering wheel no matter how I adjust the damn seat; I think it was designed specifically for little old grannies who like to drive 15 mph with their heads barely clearing the dash. Anyway, it takes me nearly five minutes to park (plus another five if you count the amount of time it takes me to find a spot big enough), and ten minutes to get out of the parking spot and then I have to make sure I don't scrape the sides of any other cars when I'm trying to turn right because the things so DAMN HUGE...sigh...well, end my rant on cadillacs.

Man, Sean, my private teacher from high school, is awesome. He just rocks. We spent an hour and a half tonight just playing duets and for once I think I actually did him credit. I saw Mr. Grant (and he raved about Doug Hill for awhile), and my Boys, Brian, Ben, Brandon and Nick (one of these things is not like the other..well, Nick missed being under my proverbial "wing" by a year). I miss those kids...
so...i just got back from an interesting evening with Katie and Alan Grant and the infamous Blake. Katie and I went and hung out at their bq rehearsal and got invited to join them at TGI Friday's...I listened to Katie mercilously torment Blake on the subject of relationships, and Alan not so overtly criticize the quintet and its current politics...so much shit has been going down with chamber groups lately, it's kind of depressing. Hope hope hope that everything will work out with Brasso Continuo...It should. I found out also that Brian took an audition in New England with Doug Yeo and before he even left the chair they offered him a full ride. That kid's so amazing..I wish I had talent like that. Man...but that's okay, as Jeff always said, you do the best that you yourself can do. It's so weird, I get home and everything starts to center around high school again. Basically, it's all you can talk about with your old friends...or it's all your old friends can talk about, or something, but it always returns. I realized the other night that part of my struggle in high school was just to be as recognized as all the high talent in the band...Katie, Mike, Negrete, Jeff, they all had it easy...second trombone just doesn't get as much attention. Coming on the heels of this is Alan's comment: "It's so nice to see that that timid little girl has disappeared." Yeah that's true..I have grown a lot. Most of it is college, or just growing up, but part of me takes offense. Not too much of me. Just a little bit of pride rearing its ugly head. Katie kept turning the conversation back to her, or her and Blake. I wonder how often anyone in high school really thought I had anything to say?

Silly me...being upset about this now. Sometimes it haunts me though...this first half of the semester I felt pretty alienated. I don't even remember why, probably something about being nervous about my recital and still coming off the low of my winter break-long examination of self (in which I managed to dredge up every embarrassing and stupid thing I've ever done and analyze every last inch of my poor beleaguered psyche). I do remember freaking out after the Splinters concert, wanting to talk to Ryan but feeling stupid and pushy and shy all at the same time..and Emily not helping at all, or not understanding, or maybe just thinking I needed to get over it all. So I went home feeling flustered and wishing I had just gone and talked to him. After all, he called me afterwards and apologized for not saying anything to me. You know...nobody ever really listens to anyone else. It's just one big mess of miscommunication. That's all society's problem is..miscommunication. All stemming from ignorance which is the root of suffering..ah, hell, I still have my buddhism midterm to do. Sigh.
g'night, sleep tight, don't let the manahoonies bite!