I think I need to clarify last night. It was nice to hang out with Ryan...because I wasn't expecting anything from him. I realized that if I go around thinking that everything I say and do has to correspond with some level of emotional commitment, I'm just going to be nervous and act like a fool. So I went out and was myself....which is something that's easy to do around him anyway. It's easier to act like he's oblivious to everything and just be friends rather than to assume that everything I do has to be an act in order to keep his friendship and not alienate him. Things are only awkward if you make it so in your head. So it was a good time because it was like hanging out with an old bud....nevermind that for a while I was tragically in love with him. :) I'm not going to analyze any of it...nothing of what he said, nothing about the hello and goodbye hugs, nothing! (ha!) I'll just go crazy again. I got what I wanted, anyway...which was to just be able to hang out with him again. I'm still a little miffed (and he knows it, too, he said as we parted ways, "ha, well, I'll see you in October, then!" so i punched him in the arm. :) but I'm not just going to bring it up because I don't feel like the playing field is quite level yet. Updates to follow. Nice to not have to be pissed off, anyway. OH yeah...this summer he's been in S. Carolina. So I guess the little part of me that said, "he's out of town," triumphs after all. Ah, ye of little faith.