i think i've figured something out. one of the reasons i miss ryan so much is that when we hang out, i feel like i have someone direct the majority of their attention on me. i mean, in an overall context. uncomfortable as i am being the center of attention, i think one of the things that made me like him so much was that he always seemed interested in me all the time...which is a complete shocker in my little self-contained bubble. sigh. i'm going to call him twice more...once tomorrow, to see if he wants to party with us friday, and once before the Wes and Lorn Birthday Extravaganza. And that's it, if he fails to get in touch with me either of those times, I can't do any more or it'll just tear me apart. I've gotta let it go sometime...there's no better time than summertime to be free....