Saturday, March 19, 2005

i think we're alone now...bum ba bum ba bum ba

How wass your St Patty's Day? Mine was fantastic. It was Gabe's birthday, and we threw her a party.

So in case you were wondering, there's this new sexy man in my life, and his name is Chuck. You can see how awesome we are here. Don't deny it, it's true. His personal home of web-based self-aggrandizement is here.

Anyway. Well into the early hours of March 18th we left Gabe's party to...well, you know. Make out and stuff. We went to Kroger for some "supplies." I'd say it was about 3 am. Or drunk o'clock, as Chuck insists on calling it. The only people in the store were the two of us and the three employees stuck working the ass-early (ass-late?) shift.

So we're standing in front of this glass case, containing condoms and Monostat 7 (sexy!), trying to figure out if we have to ask someone to open it for us. It obviously must be locked, because there is a lock on it. It never occured to us to try and open it anyway. You know the drill. Didn't even see the little metal handles for the sliding door off on the sides.

I, being an impatient drunk, am perfectly ready to give up on this particular endeavor, but naturally standing in a nearly deserted grocery store strikes me as an ideal place to make out with my man. So I say...

"Hey, let's make out! There's no one around!"

And Chuck says...


And the minute we go in for the kiss, this guy walks right past us. Like, two feet away.

Speed record for high-tailing it out of a grocery store after you've been caught making out in front of the condom case at drunk o'clock in the morning? Broken.

The next day, when we went back to Kroger for some other things, I was curious. So I went over to the pharmacy.

The glass case? Yeah, it was unlocked.