So in keeping with the posts on social disorders I have come to the conclusion that I am cursed, and what I am cursed with is this: I love people too deeply.
Because I love so deeply I worry. I worry that I am not enough. I worry that it is not mutual. I have put people up on pedestals because they are so special to me I must worship them in my secret heart of hearts. But There! I have put them up so high they have to look down on me and I am diminished. There is less of me! They are so special they have no need of me. But I need to be needed! (or do I?) They are on the pedestal, I am on the ground looking up, and crying because I am not special. I want to be special. Isn't there something about me unique or different that someone can love? I am flawed and ignorant and selfish. Does anyone else worry that they are not enough?

Because I cannot see myself go through life, my actions and my judgements, I cannot know how I appear to other people. I can only try to be what I value most in others: compassionate. It is not easy to see that the good outweighs the bad. It is not easy to be without thinking, it is not easy to think without feeling. May I be granted the wisdom to know where I am going, and if I do not, may I be granted the strength to accept what lies in my path.