Everything is done. I've finished all my finals, turned in my paper, and packed my suitcase. One more school year has completed. It's weird. Not being one to get all sentimental about the endless passage of time, I'm just floating around in wonderment. Summer is here, and I've been desperately waiting for it. It doesn't promise all the fun that last summer was, but it will be good, relaxing. It's funny---I go into summer with such a Buddhist perspective on things (well, having just taken a class on it helps i suppose) and it all seems so calm and clear. Lots of changes have taken place, and not all of them seem good or constructive, but in some way, everything will be alright. As I was walking to turn in my paper today, a man was on library mall preaching about coming to Christ and worshipping the Lord. And I thought, "Out of great compassion for the sake of all sentient beings I undertake the path to Fully Enlightened Buddhahood." It was almost subconscious the way it popped into my head. I felt sorry for the man, whose level of understanding of ultimate reality is focused in samsara. More and more of me is bracing the ideals of Buddhism and, while I don't take so much to the actual practices, the rituals and the meditations, it seems that I can make my own religion based upon the good traits of all human thought.
Maybe someday when I am totally disillusioned with relationships and my failing musical career I will give it all up and become a bhikkuni. What the hell, right? But first I'll figure out if I can be happy in my own self.