slipping into a funk again--my mind feels ill. i don't feel particularily alive or happy, and i'm afraid of the future...of what? i don't know. i've done a lot of crying and i'm not even sure if i should be. i feel like a big emotional burden to jerry and myself, i spend so much time taking him for granted and then all of the sudden i have a serious 24 hours of crisis that something's going to happen, that i'm going to lose him. so i get all worked up. and then everything else comes crashing down on me. am i really cut out to be a musician? am i good to my friends and family? am i a good person all around? what the hell is wrong with me? i need a good night's sleep and a hug but i'm afraid the hug will only make me want to cry even more. i don't really want to go to milwaukee to see my family but i promised...it takes time off all the stuff i have to do next week that i could get ahead with. must suck it up and be worthwhile! i ask again, what the hell is wrong with me? why can't i be cheerful and happy, where did my calm buddha nature go? stop, thoughts, stop tormenting me!!!