i'm baaaaack!

OH man, I should be sleeping. But, I wasn't able to sleep last night, I was so keyed up, and while I'm fucking exhausted and have lots to do tomorrow, I've been looking at pictures from the march and feeling all the excitement over again. Jerry's got some links that I'm too tired to research/post myself. I will have pictures for you- I got a disposable camera that promises me a free digital CD so I will find a way to get a photo album on the internet.

I wish I could live this weekend over and over again.

When it was all over, when I was sitting in the hotel room trying to piece together all of my emotions and package it up into one concise blog, the only thing I could really articulate was that I have never felt so happy. 1.15 million people, and all of them understood. I didn't have to explain or defend myself to anyone. People were smiling, laughing, introducing themselves, screaming and wetting their pants when they saw Ani D (I was), making clever signs and t-shirts, chanting empowering slogans, feeling angry, feeling like they could take on the world, challenging patriarchy, creating their own marvelous pro-woman world. And it was like a great weight was lifted from my shoulders. I had tears in my eyes the whole day, and when I wasn't crying, I was laughing from pure pure joy. I met some fantastic people. I felt the hatred that usually surrounds my ideals and beliefs dissolved and wrapped up in warmth. This is what the world could be like, if we'd only let it.

And when I realized that I have to go back into this world that requires me to be on the defensive and argue every nuance, every right til it's bloody and useless, that burden fell back on my shoulders ten times as heavy and as hard. I go between elation and depression- elation that my voice was heard, that I got to experience this and spread the word, and I feel my feminism and activism invigorated and twice as strong. Depression- I miss it. I miss that damn march. I miss all those people, most of whom I don't have names for, but all of them with gorgeous smiles and righteous attitudes. 1.15 million women and men, children, dogs even- the energy was unbelievable.

Ani. Fuckin' Ani. Did you hear her perfect guitar, her fabulous voice on my audblog? Right before she did Your Next Bold Move, she did the spoken word Grand Canyon from her new album. She's so beautiful. With Ani on our side, how could we lose? She's the goddess of everything.

And all these feminist icons. Gloria. Hillary (yes I saw Hillary!). Ellie Smeal. Barbara Boxer. Tyne Daly. Jesus, they just kept coming. The actors and artists: Julianne Moore and Camryn Mannheim, Kathy Najimy, Janneane Garafalo, Wanda Sykes, Moby, Sarah Weddington....

I can't believe I have to go live my regular life tomorrow. It's all a dream? It feels like it. But that's my voice on my blog, that's Ani singing to me and to everyone, and most of all to Bush, what the hell is your next bold move? Can you deny our numbers and our strength? Can't you at least stop to listen?

My pictures will come soon. Now, it's time for rest.