Monday, July 19, 2004

a funny story about armpit hair

I'll tell this to you guys, because you'll appreciate it. At least, Davis will appreciate it. I would like someone to do so, as I found it quite amusing and thus far not one of my coworkers has done anything but grimace slightly and give a tight smile at the punchline.

At Frogs the other day, during ESS (every day between 1 and 3 hundreds of elementary aged kids pour into the pool and wreak havoc upon the chemical levels in all sorts of ways...your imagination can fill in the gaps in my description), I was guarding on the pennisula, a small strip of concrete that separates the beach entrance/shallow end of the pool from the deeper, lap swimming end. Two girls who, a few weeks before, had introduced themselves to me, came swimming up to say hi (actually, the one girl I remembered had introduced herself to me by way of asking if I was a boy or a girl, which was a little disconcerting- goofy looking though I may be I am definitely a woman), took a look at my leg hair, and squealed a little.

Our exchange:
"Do you shave?" they asked.
"Does it look like I do?" I responded.
"Why not?"

I shrugged. A complicated explanation is in order- feminism, socialized gender, economical purposes, but heck, they're only 8. I stuck with "Because I don't like to" which is true enough. Now that I've stopped for this long, the thought of starting again makes me tired enough that I quickly put it out of my head.

"Do you shave your armpits?"
"No" and I showed them.
"Ewwwwww!" in stereo. I laughed.
"My mom shaves her armpits, so you should too!" says the impudent one.

At this point, "fuck your mother" and "to hell with your razor burn" are going through my head, but I continue to smile tersely and look pointedly at the pool trying to be the cool, in charge lifeguard that I am.

They start chanting, "Shave your armpits! Shave your armpits!"

Oh my darling children, though now you long for the day you too will be old enough to wield your razor high, or even when you are just barely old enough, when that thin layer of fuzz you've had from your toddler years will succumb to an electric shaver barely amped enough to shock a molerat, one day long past even that far off day you will realize that it ain't all it's cracked up to be.

And maybe you'll read all the right books or listen to the right kind of music and you'll just stop, as I have, and frolic in the giddiness that defying social norms and saving minutes in the shower brings to you.

It is also a fairly effective method of jerk protection.

I leave you with the wise words of Alix Olson:
They say, "cut your clits and shave your pits,
and cover your tits!"
We say- bullshit.
Cause I use my curls to be at one with the world
like when I’m out camping
And I lay myself to rest
I sleep with my arms up
so the birdies can nest.
So stop and reconsider just what they consider natural
Cause armpit hair is simply
Mammally Factual.