Friday, September 07, 2007

anyone still out there? hello? hello?

My apologies for my continued absence, even though I said previously that I was back. I was wrong.

So, I'm here. In New Mexico. Starting a brass quintet. Going broke. Kind of lonely and missing- of all things- UNT jazz and the people in it.

Other than that, things are pretty good. I have a nice house, a library card, and a reattached retina. I got to flirt at the bank the other day and I can ride my bike most places I need to go. The weather is perfect, the scenery is amazing, and I have high-speed internet at home. In other words, I'm on my way both to feeling like myself again and to inventing the New Mexico me, the person that will adapt to the people and places here and become some new evolution of my ongoing personal development.

This first picture is the view from my front porch. Hello, Sandia Peak! I have been up there yet because of eye-bubble related issues (changing altitude was a strict no-no), but now that's it's for the most part gone, I can go exploring. I checked out a 'Hiking New Mexico' book from the library (along with all the CDs I could I love having a perfectly functioning computer again) whih I intend to use extensively until I find my favorite trails and get my hike on properly.

The Diesel Sweeties comic is a fair indication of the conflict I feel in my personal life right now. Let's just leave it at: it's nice to be myself and have my time and do what I want...but...but...*sigh* Never mind, it's pointless.

Heh. Silly me. How easy is it to be happy and content when you've surrounded yourself (finally) with the kind of friends whose company you both enjoy and never get weary of, only to leave it and have to start over again? The first realization of that for me is the wave of physical and emotional loneliness, the one that says, 'just how long now has it been, seriously, since you even made out with someone?' Why does that have to be the first thing? Why can't it be, 'Oh man, these people don't get all the Eddie Izzard references I make in a day! I miss Ben.' No. It's gotta be the one thing that makes you feel the shittiest.

Thanks for that. Moving on.

I'm having a house-warming party tonight, and I'm making penne and salad and hopefully getting nice and drunk, although not terribly, since I have a gig tomorrow that I should be on the ball for. The trouble is, I don't know which grocery store to go to that will provide me with the proper cheese. The one closest has a poor selection (although they do have Manchego...hello, Kristopher!), the Trader Joe's is miles and miles away, and Whole Foods is expensive. What ever shall a girl do?

I will say this: it's nice living in a fair-sized city again. Sure, ABQ is lacking in some of my basic needs (a WaMu branch, Chipotle, free jazz on Monday and Thursday nights with $2 wells at the bar), but it's got other stuff. A nice downtown. Trader Joe's. Excellent Mexican food. Chama River Brewing Company. A relatively stress-free freeway system. Mountains. Hard to explain...but the feeling of being here is so different from Texas. It's a relief and yet it's weird. It's home and yet it doesn't have Thai Ocha. It's big...but still it's kinda smallish. But it has an airport (next to which I have taken up residence...the pros and cons of living near an international airport will be discussed in a later post). I dunno. I miss Denton...but I don't.

I'll leave that confusion for another day. It's time to go hunt for cheese and vegetables.