phone number has been taken off internet, moment of loneliness has passed and therefore no internet weirdos shall be haunting me with phone calls. phew.

yes, i feel better. sort of. davis and i talked. bethany and i didn't, which is what stresses the "sort of" okayness mood. we got our wires crossed yesterday and i had left to go to the gritty to see collin before she got home from a day with her mom, and she was upset because we had planned to go see fireworks together, a fact that i completely forgot in my rush to go see a boy of all silly things, and i felt/feel incredibly guilty and not at all equipped to deal with the situation. Ben told me that I did what I could, and he thought that Bethany had accepted my apology, but if I know B correctly her body language was all wrong and she was still upset with me last night. After Qdoba I went home alone...and hence the height of my self-tragedy. Ah me, what a little melodramatic fool I am. Mostly I was mad at myself for being impatient (of course i shouldn't expect a newly turned 21 year old to give up his night at the bars for a foolish underager who thinks she maybe likes him or something), and unhappy about being alone, and sad about my failure to be a good friend, and lots of other things all stemming from deep-seated self-confidence and awareness issues. Sigh. It's not as if the whole Collin thing didn't end on a hopeful note. It did, rather. ("Hey, wait, when will I see you next?" "well, i'm always at humanities, or give me a call! i'm usually around""okay, that's right, i have your phone number now!""alright, well, don't get into trouble hon, and have fun!") Little seeds of self-doubt always creep in, however, so most of happiness is therefore smashed before i have time to get into too much trouble. Bleh. I wish boys would like me more, my romance skills are rusty (almost corroded) and most of the time I haven't got a clue what's going on. ARGH. ok, i suppose the best thing to do would be to get on with the day and start fresh.