well, i've reached one of those stages you hit (or maybe just me) every once in a while where everything just seems a little silly and petty. and you want out. so you drive everyone else around you insane by being crabby and unhappy and pretty soon you get left alone to be eaten alive by naked mole rats. I'm having a little difficultly dealing with Cara being here...she just does and says such ridiculous things I can only be civil. Whatever friendship we had has passed...I'd like to think I learned a lesson or two out of it, but if she has she's keeping it secret because she still has all the same old annoyances. I like to come home and be relaxed..but I always feel tense and on edge when she's here. The very air tightens up. I realize perhaps from another point of view this may all seem very petty on my part. I really can't defend myself in that case, I'm sure that a lot of things I do are also ridiculous and incoherent to other people. But at least I try to practice what I preach, so to speak. I shall be civil to her because she is our guest (and she still pays some rent), but I can't do anymore. I'd feel like I was cheating myself, pretending to display emotions that I do not feel.

At any rate, the lifeguard thing never went through, Rachael had to study, and Ryan wasn't home. So I watched Mallrats with B and then Alex came over and we rented The Princess Bride and watched that. It was a good evening, anyway, but disappointing as I did not get out of the house and associate with the rest of the world. I had an interesting dream about Ryan...well, he wasn't the main character but always in my peripheral vision. Kind of haunting..I can't explain. Ah well, "I can't explain" comes in handy for a lot of what goes on in my head, not just dreams. sigh.