Tuesday, August 07, 2001

well, yesterday was a fun-packed day! Emily and I took off for Chicago via the 5 am Van Galder bus (or van gelder as i am so fond of misspelling it) and once there, met up with her friend Harrison and his brother Lee. We hung out at Navy Pier and rode the Ferris Wheel, explored the Aquarium (it took us at least forty-five minutes of waiting in line to get in), saw a movie, walked Grant Park, and all that fun stuff. Harrison is a very entertaining person and reminds me of Mike Muna in a lot of ways, and is totally the opposite at the same time (much less rock'n'roll lifestyle ;). His brother was a sweetheart too. So it was a good day. The bus ride back I spent trying to make a decision. Before all of my personal tradegy on Sunday night, I had been mentally preparing the sort of things I wanted to say to Ryan if I ever had the courage to pin him down. You know, stuff like "Not only did you break my heart, but you totally went against your word..." or "i can't stand seeing you again after periods of absence, because I realize I haven't recovered..." blah blah blah. No. I think before I do that (and in order to give myself a situation in which I could say such things) I have to be a little extreme first. You can all shoot me if you think I'm wrong or if this is a horrible plan that will backfire and leave me twice as upset as before, please tell me. I'm just not going to call him, or ask him to do anything with me. If he comes over I will be perfectly civil but not friendly. Let him be buds with Emily, which seems to be more on his agenda that being friends with me is. I know this is horrible and jealous. If you understood how absolutely FED UP I am with this whole situation, I think it might make sense. I just can't do it anymore. In order to put my heart back together I have to play the Ice Princess (sorry for stealing your role, Megan, I'll get it back to you as soon as I'm through). I will be happy and busy (yargh, The Rules)...too busy for him. I swear...I can't have him mucking around with my emotions anymore. The Great Ryan Depression stops now.