well, shit. the loneliness is settling in again. do y'all know what i mean by "the loneliness?" (by the way, i just wanted to point out that for some reason, my last three posts have all used the phrase "y'all" and i'm not really sure where it's coming from. hmm) the loneliness for me is mostly just wanting somebody to lean on when i feel sad or stupid (the latter, in the case, is the cause of the former...for an explanation please see #1 of my Top Five Stupidest Things I've Ever Done list), and is compounded by the sight of two other people enjoying each other's company. you know what i mean. the loneliness sucks ass. i have managed to fight the loneliness but now that i can safely say i have recovered from being totally nuts about ryan it has come back with a vengeance. which doesn't really make sense, so let me rethink that. okay...i'm over the period of time where i felt like i had to be completely strict with myself regarding ryan, and now i just get to thinking that it's time for something new. Unfortunately this traps me in a vicious circle. Self-confident, happy lorn is overtaken by jealous, self-loathing lonely lorn whom nobody wants to be with. Yarrgh. whatever shall I do? :) it's alright...it's only one saturday night...

ah, but it's those saturday nights that really kill you...