okay, i know most of my blogs have been pretty bitchy and/or sad recently, but really, i'm alright. it's easier to talk about things you are upset about...well, anyway i feel pretty terrible today. i'm worried. jerry and i had a great great great time last night, much happiness, many smiles...i would be all warm and glowing about that today but i'm worried. and i had these dreams last night, they were all about rejected love and depression...one was so realistic i woke up and nearly started crying...in it jerry had to think about something and we went to bed and he couldn't sleep so he got up and started writing poetry...which was all about me. I woke up and tried to read some of it, and it was beautiful, sublime, but it was all written on balloons (analyze that) and he was systematically popping each one and as I read the one I was holding, all the words about me turned into past tense and I realized he was trying to get rid of me, so I started begging him to tell me what was wrong...all he said was "no, this wasn't real, you're just my secretary" (okay, that was kind of weird but in the dream i freaked out about it) and that's when I woke up. And it took me a good long time to realize that it wasn't real, and that jerry was still there beside me and everything was okay. I hope. I hate my goddammed subconscious. It takes a minor worry and makes it into the end of the world. And now I'm just terribly preoccupied about everything and the last thing I want to do is go practice, although it's one of the things I'm worried about, and oh yeah, I might have lost the pool keys today at work, which is NOT GOOD AT ALL and dammit I'm just fucking up everything today.

It is time for a fuck of frustration and worry: FUCK!
if i had the proper html knowledge to make that any bigger, I would.