Well, a brief week spent at home...it was to be longer but my grandma passed away and my parents and i are flying to wisconsin tomorrow for the funeral, and then I will just go back to Madison a week early. I saw Natalie and Dan, Katie, and Adam, I got a fierce sunburn (oh cursed wisconsin sun, thou hast weakened me), I went to the beach, I saw three movies (and fell in love with Peter Parker/Tobey Maguire),I read tons of books, including three rereads that I remember shaped a lot of my fancy childhood notions about who I was and who I wanted to be: The Emily books by L.M. Montgomery. I cried about missing Jerry a couple times, I cried about having to leave early, before Katie's party and before Jessie comes back, and I cried for lots of silly things too. It seems like I do that a lot lately, like my emotions have been laid bare...but then again it's always been awfully hard for me not to cry and I shouldn't suppose that this is any particular time in my life. Jerry is playing the song that he is playing at the wedding we are going to in June. It's really lame. If I ever get married there will be no such thing. Maybe I will arrange Bernstein's Pas de deux theme from Fancy Free for brass quintet. I've always thought that was the most thrilling piece of music ever written. It evokes in me the feeling I get when a romance is just starting..there is a lot of thrill and sexual tension, and so much expectation.

I will miss San Diego this time. There's a way the sky looks that I have never seen in Wisconsin or anywhere. And the air just feels...like home. I guess that it. Integral parts of me belong here and I can never deny them. There is too much ocean in my soul. Colors are more vibrant, little things delight me more. I can feel at home in my body like I never can anywhere else. It's comfortable. I suppose it comes of growing up someplace, and learning so many things...tis the atmosphere that loves us and shapes us, that makes us and helps us be.