data, sometimes a cake...is just a cake.

Yeah, so I just watched the final episode of Star Trek TNG. Well not all of it (plus I think I have it lying around on tape somewhere) but anyway that was WEIRD AS FUCK. But cool. That was a good show and I don't care if I'm a nerd for saying it (Davis will support me on this one). I remember watching that when it aired with Megan, and us getting a kick out of the line, "with mint frosting." Also how Warf looked so uncomfortable holding that cat. Har har.

I am DYING to leave this house. All I want, I've realized, is to be LEFT ALONE by my parents. That means no questions, no TV on at all hours, no doing chores unless I feel like it.

Okay. So I'm being unfair. But I have adjusted to living without them and I have come to realize that I enjoy living someplace where I know I will not be bothered. It gives me a chance to recoup after a long day, wake up in an early morning, and do whatever I please as far as cooking, cleaning, sitting on my ass, masturbating, whatever. Right now I reeeeally, REALLY want my own place. For my own sanity. And for their mental health. Please. Buddha. Argh.

The thing is, I'm not totally anti-social. But I think the cats can attest to this: I need my solitude sometimes. It helps me be social at other times. It's not like I'm always holed up, and it's not usually for any particular reason. Sometimes I just gotta be alone. And here, at home, it's in your face all the time, "What's new? what did you do today? how's Jerry? Talk to anyone from school?" And on and on. And I know they're not being nosy, or trying to annoy me, it's my fault for being crabby and not wanting to talk to anyone.

Ironically, of course, I don't want to be lonely or alone all the time, which is what is happening now. So you think I would crave those few moments of human interaction with my dear and loving parents. But for some reason it just makes it worse. I'm grateful for the free place to stay and the free food and everything, but at the same time I itch at being so indebted to them. As if I didn't already owe them for 22-odd years of school, toys, books, music, university, trombones, etc. I'd like to be self-sufficient, because I know I be, so right now my pride is taking some blows. I think I'm going to have a hard time making it a whole year. I'm thinking about shortening it, maybe going back to Madison next summer if it ends up I'm going to school back in the midwest. I know I can get a job working the city beaches (sounds like i'd be the lake hooker, or something, doesn' it?) and if Jerry goes to BL I can sublet. And if he doesn't well then for sure someone else I know will be subletting, but whatever. These are just idle fantasies and I'm dying to get out of the house even temporarily, so I'm going to do what I usually do in such cases, and go to Borders to get myself some o' dat fine chai they got over dere.