life lessons learned through the power of trombone

See, I am an amusing drunk, which means you all should take me out for drinks more often.

I have completely and totally wasted this day. I start swim lessons at 3:15, and it would behoove me to straighten my room, practice my trombone, do some yoga, etc., however, I have done nothing except surf the Internet and reread Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban.

This is totally in violation of the valuble trombone lesson I had yesterday with Sean Flanigan, professor of trombone at Drake University.

Unprepared as I was, he was understanding and kind, and we worked on a plan for my getting back into shape and preparing myself for graduate school for real. This included him instructing me to get in touch with JK, an adjunct prof of trombone at Univ of North Texas, and to keep in touch with him as he is finishing his doctorate work there. Also using Jason as a connection, this means I have a fairly strong in at UNT, which is exciting to say the least.

I played a little of the Ewazan Sonata for him, and he was kind enough to ignore my technical flaws and focus on the musicality and expression of the piece that could be improved in my rendition. We were talking about the style of Ewazen's music, his neo-romanticness and taste for melody, and I played a little of the smoother sections with what I hoped was my best expression.

Seems like these things always fall a little flat. "Let go" he says, "you know what you want it to sound like but you hold back, why?"

Then he encouraged me to think back on a time that I have let go, and the results I got from it. Immediately I remembered my masterclass performance of the Hindemith- Balls to the wall on that one, I was, at the expense of solid tone and perfect attacks. But I still count it as one of my best performances, because it is one of the few times I can say that I actually did what I meant to do. Round that time of my life I was starting to get a feel for living- actually, honestly living- and I made a resolution that was perfectly expressed by the in-your-face attitude of the Hindemith.

I related this story to Sean and he nodded, saying "you see, you're willing to do this. You've got to live your life that way." He went on to explain that only when we put all our cards on the table do we get a good look at our flaws, and only when we can see them clearly can we begin to fix them. There's no shame in a few cracked notes or a double buzz- I know how to fix those easily- the hardest part is letting go.

Those words ring in my ears today. "You've got to live your life that way"- that way. It's time to take risks, and use my head, and take the bad with the good. It's like sitting in Nick's truck yesterday, talking about nothing in particular, and letting his cigarette smoke swirl around my head. I felt dizzy, and happy, and confused- but most of all alive. Itchy for action. Ready to go, get the hell out of Dodge, live large.

Of course it all has to come back to trombone at some point or another, but how else do I learn expression for emotions I've never experienced? If I want my poems to be any good, don't I have to have a launching pad? If I want my recitals to be inspired, I need to know where to begin.

Still, I've done nothing about it today. It might need a little more time to sink in, but it's Friday night, and we'll see what happens. First things first- practice.