anxiety attack part 1

1. Plan to stay with trombone student in Minneapolis has fallen through. Currently do not have a place to stay in the Cities and all of the hotels are booked/expensive beyond belief. Well, I can believe how expensive they are, but my bank account feels the numbers must be an illusion of some sort.

2. Hindemith Sonate is KICKING MY ASS.

3. I don't have the chops for this. My face hurts because I apparently did something stupid today in trying to demonstrate bad vs good high range technique. Also I can't seem to get through anything, anything at all, not even bloody Tuba Mirum, without feeling like someone's been at my mouth with a hammer.

4. Really, really, really must enforce positive thinking but am stuck in cycle of "if I don't get into grad school this year I will be forever and ever and ever drifting in a life of meaningless abandon" plus "I hate Texas and I want the fuck out" plus "OMIGOD MY FACE HURTS!!!"

5. I understand that these are bad attitudes and I am doing my best to suppress them. Thank you for pointing out that I am doing a poor job in this regard.