Friday, August 11, 2006

oooh oooh ooh it's just like a dream
how 80s night at hailey's works

For my birthday night #1, Jason took me to 80s Night at Hailey's, which is a sort post-modernist warehouse type club off the square. You know the drill- blue backlighting, sheet metal walls here and there, christmas lights. Anyway, every Thursday night is 80s Night, and I have become a regular.

Here's how to have fun at 80s Night:

Step 1: Get drunk before you get there, or at least get on your way to tipsy. The only drink specials they have on Thursdays are $4 Long Islands, $3.50 New Belgium Beers, and $2 Texas Tangoes, which as I have discovered is a shooter of flavored vodka and fruit juice. Basically whatever the bartender wants to give you. Last night I heard someone in the bathroom calling it a 'Texas Terror' and then vomiting all over the toilet seat. Hurray!

Step 2: Look 80s, but in a sort of Denton Indie Kid kind of way. You have no idea how emo/indie this town is. It's like this: EVERYONE has a haircut that's all choppy and uneven, but it looks good on them because they've paired it with a sullen look and vintage clothing. EVERYONE is good looking and on any given night at Hailey's you could see yourself going home for sweaty indie sex with just about everyone in the room, with the exception of the DJ who is kinda nerdy looking, but not in a good Weezer-like way.
Addendum: Hailey's gets HOT. Friggin hot. All these sexy twentysomethings (plus the occasional older folk that look disparagingly down their noses at you thinking 'And me? Well I actually remember when this song came out and MY t-shirt isn't a Old Navy knockoff. Assholes.') dancing it up means that you will sweat. You will sweat so much you'll think you're still in the shower. You'll be able to reshape your funky haircut just based on all the sweat running through it alone. Dress accordingly. My best bet so far has been shorts and a tank. The skirts don't work. The dress didn't work. Go light.

Step 3: There are two regulars at 80s Night that you must find. One is the Bunny Hop Girl. Do not let her out of your sight- she will entertain you all evening with her hop-step-fist jab-hop-step. She is wearing jeans and clunky sandals. The other is Manga Girl. Manga Girl caught my eye the first night I was there and I haven't been able to stop thinking about her since. She's skinny, but well-proportioned, and she's always wearing little shorts, big socks, and fun sneakers. To me, it seems as though she's just stepped out of your favorite shoujo and is about to Karaoke her way into your heart. Chuck stopped her last week in the parking lot and told her I said that, and she was flattered. I will now engineer a way to sleep with her.

Step 4: Which one of your friends are you going to sing to? Figure this out at the beginning and then flirt shamelessly.

Step 5: People will take pictures. Okay, I will take pictures. You will not look good in them, because of the sweat. Don't worry, you're drunk.

Step 6: Once you're good and drenched, it's time to walk to Fry Street. Fry Street is a fifteen minute walk when you're sober but it will take you at least a half an hour on 80s Night. If you want to get to Lou's in time for $2 Long Islands, you should make sure you leave Hailey's before 1:30. Be prepared to ditch hop.

Step 7: Your underage friends could get into Haileys, but they can't get into bars on Fry Street. Say good night and go wander hazily amongst the bargoers.

Step 8: If you have an afterparty, make sure it involves waterguns and a sprinkler. Let your guest pass out wherever they want.

Have fun!