I was just clicking through my hotmail inbox and i realized something: this past six months have flown by. I mean, sped by like so many reckless jetskiiers. The email mocking RB that Andy sent me was from december! That totally feels like last week. But then, on the other hand...some of the letters that Jessie and Brandon sent me in march feel like they're from ages ago. How does one cope with this realization that life is moving almost too fast for one to comprehend? There's a paragraph or two in Steinbeck's East of Eden that I was looking for last time I read...and unfortunately couldn't find. But it says something about how, at least for the author, that the times that fly by are the bad times, no matter how they seem to crawl at the time, because in retrospect you hardly remember them. It's the fun times, the laughs and the special stuff, that you retain every moment of for the rest of your life. I always thought that was interesting...the more I think about it, the more it makes sense. Good times from the semester are easy to pick out: Paison's after brass bash, staying up all night on new year's watching sex and the city (and getting caught on the roof for drinking sparkling cider hehe), frisbee, brass quintet, random happy evenings playing scattergories in the cat house, "Pete" and Jeff, and on and on and on. Not so much of the bad stuff sticks out. Maybe I'm lucky that good outweighs the bad. Maybe it's not the same for everyone. But still, I'm glad it's this way. Monty Python: "always look on the bright side of life"

that little rant was sponsored by Rubio's Fish Tacos. This next one is sponsored by MTV2:
Watching a few random music videos tonight, I had a sort of "premonition" type thing. Some up-and-coming band was playing, and suddenly, in their place, i saw ryan's band. it was weird. I was thinking, wow, i'm famous by association. that drummer dude, i can say to my friends, yah, he and i used to be good friends. i was/am totally in love with him. maybe i'll get to go backstage at all their big shows. maybe not. maybe it'll just be a big rock star mess. maybe we'll have an argument about why we didn't work out...maybe it'll have to do with the fact that i'm not band girlfriend material or too demanding or that he's just too involved in the music. maybe there will be a lot of drugs, and they'll make the wrong sort of friends and then end up as another tragic story on vh1's behind the music. maybe..maybe...maybe lots of things. and here i am predicting a future for a band that i only know one member of anyhow, and that i've seen perform twice. silly me! but anyway, that's what goes through my head when i'm watching this random band on tv.

I think...although i said yesterday that i didn't....that i do want to go back to school now. it's time to get started on practicing and working and having a good time. not that being home isn't. but it lacks a schedule. and that constant stream of friends that invades my house and makes me laugh...it lacks roomates and bikes and the humanities building. i miss madison. weird, coming from me who lives in one of the prettiest cities in america...but i do. i guess it's just more accessible. i'm sick of driving, i want my bike. i'm sick of living with just my parents, i want my roomies. it's time to start practicing again...time to start swimming and working and partying and being my own person. so...one more week!

this is going to be a long blog. i don't really feel like stopping. fingers crossed that blogger won't erase it.

bandos. what a weird thing to call ourselves. in college, it's music majors, or music dorks. i think. please stop me if i apply any incorrect term to the grouping of the musical profession. gotta have a clique, i guess. at least, i do. it's nice to have a small circle of friends and an outer one too, that easily rotates and lets you breathe a little. that's kind of what the music school means to me. i think one of the reasons i stuck with music was that feeling of always having someone to hang out with. i don't think i would have made it through freshman year with just the people i met in dorms and classes. I mean...the dorm wasn't exactly what i thought it would be. too many hormones, too much one-uping going on. I used to think that that was one of the only reasons I stuck with music (besides my inherent love for the music, of course *rolls eyes*), but i think this desire to be practicing again is something new...something deeper. maybe i do really enjoy it. maybe it is something i can't live with out. wow.

ok, i think i can stop now. writing...it's like a companion. it keeps you company when you need to speak and it lets you say whatever. And for however you like. I used to keep a journal..but this is easier. My brain moves too fast for my pen, but my fingers can keep up okay. Thanks to high school typing class, the most tedious four months i've ever spent. And that my friends, as they say, is that.