before i start to bitch and moan i will have to say that today was the BEST football game i've ever been too. the crowd was loud as all hell, the wave got all the way to the reverse (split didn't work out so well), we were sitting 20 rows up from the field and i could see everything that was happening in the band, and the game was interesting for once...and we kicked ass! hurray! so that's good. the rest of the evening has been a little rocky.

i got home from sai intending to hang with abby, but she forgot about a prior commitment so had to back out. so i started to wash the dishes, which proved to be a near disaster...i dropped five plates and the cake pan all at once and there was chocolate and soup everywhere. and for some reason this just made me snap...suddenly i felt very angry and very lonely and i didn't know what to do. i needed to talk to someone. so i called mikey and chris, hoping one at least would go to the jazz jam with me. nobody home! alex calls for davis, few minutes later davis comes home, etc. alex davis and i go to jazz jam, yay, some good laughs. watch e.t. with grant and emily. chris shows up, falls asleep. time for bed now...still need to talk to someone but no-one is ever around any more. i hate pushing my problems on people but i hate being alone and upset more. i don't know what to do. i'm very tired of all this, lorn's vicious cycle of self-defeat. not sure how to get it to stop though. i miss bethany. i miss emily and davis. i suppose that's life though. why do people grow apart? don't we love one another? i love my friends so much (the soft-spots around my heart) i think it is my downfall...is there such a thing as loving too deeply?