tomorrow is another day...

But it's the day I'll be in Madison! HURRAY. Excellent. I can hardly wait.

Well, we've been trapped inside for three days as most everything is closed and besides it's too smoky and ashy to go outside: air quality is super low. Today is better-I can see the sky and the smoke clouds are father away. However, yesterday was terrible. The little village of Cuyamaca was entirely wiped out by the fire and today Julian (home of excellent apple pies) is being threatened. They're not expecting this fire to be entirely contained until mid-November. Lord.

In my sitting at home time (I must admit, it's not much different from what I usually do; the only difference is both my parents are home and tensions high-another story entirely) I have been exploring the world wide webberverse (thanks, Jake Morgendorffer, for that classic) of feminism. I've been frequenting the (s)hitlist at Bitch Magazine and reading a blog from another Lauren who has some very insightful things to say about just about everything. www.feministe.us
I've also ploughed through Slut by Leora Tanenbaum, which we had to read sections of for WS102. It's an excellent book, and man, it makes me wish I could change the way high schools operate in terms of sexuality and gender roles. I was lucky enough to escape a lot of harassment in HS, but I know I was affected by the attitudes of "good" girl and "bad" girl and desperately fought to suppress all notions of sex and any feelings I had sexually. At the same time, though I desperately wanted boys to notice me and measured my self worth in those terms. I think I came out on the good end of things: I did well in school and valued my girlfriends first and foremost (there were those moments where we were all jealous and vindictive at some point, though) and had my own opinions and so on. But so much time was wasted worrying about boys, when I could have been doing so many other worthwhile things. I dunno. I'm not as bad as some. I carried it with me into college and ironically only started to see past that when I actually had a boyfriend. But that's why being with Jerry is so awesome-we built a relationship built on each other's strengths. Plus I took Women's Studies and man, what an eye-opener. So I've started back in on The Gender Knot, Allan Johnson (which should be required reading for EVERYONE), which is quite a task. But it certainly raises awareness of patriarchy and how it is so complex and hard to break down--basically because people won't acknowledge it. They think feminism is at its end because, look how much progress there's been. Women have sexual freedom (ha! One look at the Kobe Bryant rape case will tell you that there's still sexism hard at work), have important positions in companies, etc. But how much of that is just tokenism, and how much have people's opinions really changed? Look at commercials. Gender roles are still rigidly enforced. "Momma's got the magic of Clorox bleach." Any beer commercial. Men drink beer, women want them. And what about sitcoms? Lots of stay-at-home moms there. Now, of course you can stay at home and be a feminist. Feminism gives you the right to choose your lifestyle. But I think advertising and media plays an important role in showing people how they should behave. A woman on the Bitch shitlist made a good point: In the last twenty years our culture has gone from being a patriarchy society to a consumer society that is built on the tenets of patriarchy. So, basically, things may have changed but advertisers and media execs market patriarchal views (such as "momma's got the magic") because they're relying on statistics that show them women stay at home, women, even if they do work, do all the cleaning and laundry and cooking. And why would men want to? They're being told that this is, has and always will be women's work. With commercials out there showing only women doing these things, would the average Joe (homophobic, manly, however else stereotypically you want to think of him) go out and buy, and then subsequently use, Clorox bleach? Maybe more enlightened husbands and fathers do. But there's still a prevailing attitude out there that says who does what and how.
Then I read this TERRIBLE article, linked from another site, about how women "can't have it all" and are choosing more and more to be stay-at-home moms. No mention in the article is given to how fathers play a role in this phenomenon. To me it suggests this: Women are staying home with children because more and more they are being made to feel guilty about not doing so. About being "bad" moms. I don't think there's as much societal pressure out there to be a "good" father. Plus, it's very hard to find a company that will offer paternity leave but every company is required to have maternity leave. What's up with that? So we're still stuck in the conception that men hunt and bring home meat, and women gather grasses and raise children? I think that's exactly what it is. And let's get into this cult of the "real man," shall we? That backlash to feminism that says, "oh no, now you're discriminating against men, boo hoo, look at us poor men, now women won't drool all over us and make us dinner, whimper whimper." The same cult that says let's stop all this now, you've had enough change, look at all the women execs, etc etc etc. The same cult that says any show of emotion, any weakness is feminine, and therefore homosexual (I've never really followed that logic, it always seemed to me the weakest link in the homophobia justification).
I could go on and on. I'm sure I've pissed off someone (you liberal feminist bitch you! you deserve to be raped! i bet you're ugly and fat too!) but that's the way it goes and those people don't know how to argue anyhow. I don't hate men. There, I've said it. I think men are great. I think the men I know are great, and I respect and admire them to the end of the world. What I don't think is great is setting up gender rules and expectations. I don't think it's great to being having a good conversation with a guy and then realize that he's just nodding and looking at my chest (translation: there's a time and a place for flirtation). I don't think it's great to be thought weak or stupid, to be expected to clean up after a man, to look sexy but only for the gaze of men, and to only want it when they do. All of these things have no place in the social order: they are concepts that you define for yourself and within the boundaries of relationships and daily life. Society has no business telling me what I should be. Only I have that business. That's what feminism is for me.

the "women can't have it all" article.