woozy

Does anyone else get really nauseous after playing video games for a longish period of time? Say, an hour? I do. I can't handle much more than that before I start getting slightly claustrophobic and dizzy. It happens with TV too, but on a much smaller scale. Maybe it's something you have to build up to, that intensive video gaming for hours-on-end tolerance that I'll just never have because I don't care enough.

That being said, it's not your average 22 year old that plays The Lion King for Sega Genesis. Well, I am not your average 22 year old.

At one point yes, I beat the stuffing out of this game. I threw Scar over that bitchin' cliff. I am the king of Pride Rock (and get to work, lionesses, killin' me some zebras).

I am slowly regaining my lion skills.

Level 1: The Pridelands
No sweat. The rest of the game is much easier if you can get that one bug that doubles your strength.

Bonus level- Make Pumbaa eat lots of bugs. Can't ever get past 36.

Level 2: I Just Can't Wait to be King
FUCKING SONG!! FUCKING PURPLE MONKEY!!
Otherwise, easy as 1, 2, rrrowr.

Level 3: The Elephant Graveyard.
Hyenas everywhere! This one's in the bag, after much practice.

Level 4: the Stampede
Not as hard as once thought. Merely a game of avoidance.

Level 5: Simba's Exile
You gotta be willing to take a few hits on this one. I finally got past the stupid rolling rock, avoided falling in the thorns, jumped a few gorges, and all of this only to be heckled by Whoopi Goldberg.

Level 6: Hakuna Matata
Watch out for the frogs, they spit! Fun with waterslides. And then, there's the...
WATERFALL OF DEATH!! (dum dum duuuuuuh)
This son of a bitch kills me every time. You have to jump up the logs that are falling down the waterfall, and it goes on for god knows how long (I don't, because I can't fucking do it) and then once you get past it, etc, and do some other stuff, if my memory serves me correct, you have to DO IT AGAIN!!! ARRRGH!!! The logs look like Combos. They make me hungry, inexplicably not for Combos, but for peanut butter. Weird.

And that's were I'm at when I get all queasy and can't handle it anymore. I seem to recall there are 10 levels, the last one being your WWF spar with dear old Uncle. What the others between the WATERFALL OF DEATH and the end are, I cannot remember. In Level 7 you are adolescent Simba, I think. Getting a scruffy little mane. Roar cracking at inopportune moments and embarrassing you in choir. Masturbating constantly to PlayLion. Telling Timon and Pumbaa where they can stuff it. Doing drugs behind the rotting log. Good times, good times.

News of the weekend is: Tomorrow I have an interview for a lifeguarding job (starting immediately) at a local club. Huzzah!