musings on billy joel

Listening to my newly acquired Billy Joel album brings back some dusty memories. Step into the wayback machine with me, if you will. Picture Lorn, aged 13, rocking out to the copy of Stormfront her crazy-but-cool uncle Paul gave her during her last visit to Wisconsin.

Now, that's some quality music for a 13 year old (admittedly I was a Billy Joel fan long before that, without knowing it). The delightfully overplayed "We Didn't Start the Fire," the hauntingly sad story of overfished waters in "The Downeaster, 'Alexa'," the rock apology "I Go to Extremes," the touching tribute to international relations "Leningrad," the slow tempo "And So It Goes," the tempestuous title track, and the song that is the inspiration for this post, "Shameless."

The album I bought today, The Stranger, is young Billy ca 1977, and his voice, while recognizable, doesn't have the fully matured vocal quality of 1989's Stormfront. Occasionally I'd hear a lilt that reminded me of a feeling I've long forgotten: the feeling I used to get listening to Billy sing "Shameless" at age 13. It was my first experience with sensuality, with arousal.

I had the biggest crush on Billy Joel. I had no idea what he looked like (this is long before the internet, remember, and I had a bootleg copy of the album), or what his other albums sounded like, or even his life story or personal behavior. None of this mattered, because when he sang "Shameless" I was just that- I'd be bouncing around on my bed singing at the top of my lungs to "I Go To Extremes" but when it was over I'd lie down on the floor and let his voice wash over me (no naughty thoughts now- masturbation was a dirty word to me back then). It was like waves of heat, or cold, but you never know which. It left me weak and satisfied. A musical orgasm, if you will. I haven't listened to the song before writing this post, but I don't need to because I can still hear the way his voice cracks when he says "I'm shameless baby/I don't have a prayer/anytime I see you standing there/I go down upon my knees" and it makes me shudder still. I've gone on to have my little love affairs with other people's vocal tics, sure, but you never forget your first love.

In high school my section leader, Aaron, turned out to be a walking encyclopedia of Billy knowledge, including having the talent to play a majority of the repetoire on piano. He had (has? recently I heard he's playing open mics in town) a nice voice and we used to sneak into a practice room at Palomar college during lulls in rehearsals with the youth orchestra and he'd take requests. I'd ask for "Lullaby," or "Blonde over Blue." I was wise enough to not request "Shameless," knowing not only that no one could do it better, but also that I couldn't afford to love anyone who could sing to my heart like that. Yet.

I haven't turned out to be a Joelhead, or whatever, the only albums I own are Stormfront, River of Dreams (for which I did wait diligently to arrive in stores), and now, The Stranger. These days I have to be in the mood and a little nostalgic to listen; he seems a little dated. Not to say some of his songs aren't timeless, but maybe just that I feel I'm not that innocent anymore. Rock is different now, a little dirtier. Billy stays in that young part of my head, singing to that tweenager just learning what love feels like.

What about you? Who did you fall in love with at age 13?