Tuesday, September 07, 2004

texas bananas: fruit or flop?

Sure, that's a lame title, but you should be happy I didn't go with the cliched, lame, and groan-inducing "Bana-no?" Really, you should.

Every bunch of bananas I have purchased in the expansive, y'all weilding, horse-cluttered great state of Texas has turned out to be a major disappointment.

If there ever was a period where any of these fruits, resplendent in length and double-entrendre, basked gloriously in their moment of perfect, ripe yellow, I must have slept through it. Or possibly blinked. Because as far as I can tell, it's right on into brown from green. Green, brown. Minimal (if ever) yellow.

For a girl who hates a mushy, warm-smelling brown banana, and can't bring herself to chew on the solidness of a green specimen, this is a tremendous check-mark in the "cons" column of Texas.

Music opportunities, pro. Central Market, pro. Fabulous salsa and profligation of Mexican restaurants, pro. Presence of friends, pro. Cheap gas, pro.

Never-yellow bananas, con.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to attend the funeral of my three uneaten bananas, so promising they were when young but, like many children, turned out for the worst. Smoking in the school bathrooms, behaving promiscuously, slapping their mother in a fit of rage, really, bananas, and we raised you with so much love in our hearts. Haven't we done enough for you? What else do we have to give?