it's like a party in my mouth and everyone's throwing up

I was surfing the internet for a place to get my hair cut in Dallas that a)has people who speak English fluently enough to understand what kind of haircut I want, b) manages to cost somewhere between $10-20 without being dirty and, and c) has a ratio of blonde, bouffant-coiffed women to normal looking people with regular, nicely done hairdos of 1 to 5 (I can't ask for too much, this is Texas, after all). I really need a haircut. Really. Chuck took a stab at it and did a nice job of cleaning up the shaggies around my ear and neck, but really, this needs to be done by a seasoned professional. Unfortunately I keep venturing out into the world to get a haircut and coming home unshorn because I can't find a place that looks satisfactory enough from the safety of my vehicle to actually attempt entry.

Anyway, this page I found with a listing of salons, while not only most unhelpful, also contained this happy little blurb at the bottom:

On the most special day in a girls life, she absolutely must look her most beautiful and glamourous. Not a single hair can be out of place or the day would be less than perfection, and so would the wedding pictures. Prior to the big day it would be a great idea to visit a beauty salon or spa.

I'll give you a second to figure out why that's annoying as all hell.




Okay?

1. I hope, if I ever lose my senses long enough to get married, that I will no longer be a "girl."
2. Oh, I forgot that the one day of my life I should be looking forward to the most is the day I get married. I mean, what else matters? And if I miss that, I've totally failed as a woman.
3. Wait, you only get one day to be special? What if everything goes terribly wrong? Did you see how out of control my hair was in that picture? OMIGOD it's like the whole day is ruined! I can't remember all the fun I had and how drunk and silly we got and how I'm totally in love with [insert husband/wife's name here] because my hair RUINED THE WEDDING PICTURES!!! Let's all get so wrapped up in pop culture and beauty standards and the absolute perfection of 12 hours of one day of our life that we can't ever see the true meaning of why we gather together in the first place! But don't forget that even if you got married in a big rush because you thought you'd never meet "the one" since all those fashion magazines and bullshit surveys told you the smarter you were the less likely you were to get married and so you said yes to the first person who asked, and eventually you get divorced because you don't even know who the fuck this person is, at least you got married, right? So there!

Sorry. Got stuck in an angry loop there. Have a nice day. :)