ah, i'm such a fool. perhaps it would be best if i just learned to accept this and then maybe things would be alright. i just hate being a fool---laughing too loud at things that aren't all that funny, acting nervous, not knowing what to say, saying dumb things, mumbling, showing off...yes, i hate this game. it's a stupid game. the trouble is, i'm either not playing or losing miserably...i never get past the first stage. when i'm not playing, i'm depressed about it; when i am playing, i hate it. dammit.