Monday, January 26, 2004

life is so goddam beautiful, i can't stop crying

Oh my goodness. What a wonderful, marvelous, beautiful, soulful, intense, hilarious, moon-given moment I just had. I have to write it down before the feeling fades (although right now it might never!) and here I am. I want to share it with you. I want you to know the power of me.

Cunt is such a book. Such a book and a force to be reckoned with. If you have a cunt, you have to read it. I will give it to you for your birthday! Or on your next period. I will! You have to have it. I wish I had it. I have to go to Borders and read it there because I am dirt poor and need to be able to afford plane tickets to Montreal. But I might just get it anyway, because it makes the power of me, the power of woman so wonderful I just can't stop the feeling that hot lava is coursing through my veins and if you asked me to I could change the world with one blink of an eye.

You know me. You know I want women to be equal, recognized, signature human beings. You know I would fight for the death to see things changed around here. Maybe you don't know, but I just went off the pill, and I just had my first non-pill period, my first REAL LIVE WONDERFUL menstration in almost four years. Because you don't really have a period on the pill. You have a fake one. That a pill tells you to have. And that's crap. You should know that it's crap to the fullest extent. Because why would you dislike or abuse something that is natural and becoming and perfect just for womenfolk? Why would you let society tell you it's bad and painful and dirty and you should cover it up or not have it (because when I see those ads for birth control that will skip your period for four months, I feel sick, like that would be the worst thing that could ever happen to me. Not have my period?!?! But it makes me a woman! It makes me a force to be reckoned with. It makes my day, honestly. I love it.) ??!?? Why? Love your body, love the goddess you are. You can make life or take it away. Men can only take it away. You've got twice the power, twice the love. Use it!!

So I'm going off because there's so much energy and it's channeling into my fingers and I can't keep to the point, but why should there be a point? I feel great goddess buddha-inspired wonderful and nothing can ever stop me now. I was reading the chapter of Cunt about learning about the moon, and how it affects you and your cycle, and on and on. I left the store, and I got in my car, and I drove home. I was going up the hill to my neighborhood when the moon peaked out above the crest. It's smiling! The moon is smiling right now, go outside and look, it's smiling and it's smiling at YOU and ME because things are in your hands, the world is ripe for change and who is going to do it? YOU and ME.
The moon was smiling at me because it knows I'm bleeding and it's happy for me. We can share this beautiful moment where life is renewed again and again through me. I laughed out loud! I laughed so hard and I said "I love you too, moon!" And I laughed and laughed and giggled and chuckled with tears streaming down my face until my stomach hurt but I still laughed and loved the moon and I love myself and it's all up to me. Everything. Everything changes this day forth. I am a full person now. I understand my wonderful, beautiful body and I worship it and it worships me in return. We can do wonders together. We are one, finally.

You may think I'm crazy but what do I care! You don't feel as good as I do, unless you do because you recognize the power of you and you are crying with me because of the truth that I speak. I am crazy. And I am a genius and a lover and an artist all in my own soul. I am me and that is what I will always be. No one can stop me. No one can stop you, either, and let's be goddess and gods together. Let's make something happen. Now.

The moon and I, we're best friends. We laugh at each other and love each other and I dedicate this day, January 26th, to my new and dearest friend Moon. May we have many more beautiful moments together. I wish you the same forever and ever and ever and ever.