just tired, that's all

I had a power lesson with Sean tonight in which we ran all of my excerpts, the Bozza and a little of the Stevens. Last Wednesday when we met I felt like a new trombonist; he helped me get over my weird playing issues and start on a strict diet of positive thinking. Tonight was just the same-so much invaluable advice and teaching. He's an amazing teacher because he has worked so hard to be a good player, and put in the time not just in the practice room but into research as well.

I said positive thinking. Instead of blogging, I should be going to bed, sleeping well, and waking up refreshed to start working all of the things he suggested. But I'm blogging, because the positive thinking isn't so easy right now. I'm so excited to go and do my auditions and to experience all the possibilities of the schools I have chosen. But part of me is unable to quell this fear that I'm just not good enough. That a graduate student should be some sort of super trombonist who never cracks notes and plays everything in tune. Silly. I know this. It's not entirely true. Of course, no one in a perfect world would ever crack notes. But I do. A lot. Is there a redeeming quality to my musicianship that will stand out at auditions? I've worked hard. Should I have worked harder?

No. It's best that I sleep. There's still time for improvement, and I am a good musician. The parts that get in my way...are all in my head.

Still, every now and again a good cry helps. Like any spell of depression, misery loves company, and my misery over music is joined by my misery over missing my support group of musicians who understand. Hey Kids...I miss you guys. I can't wait to see you.

I maintain, as I always have, that the greatest part of music is the people you meet. Sweet dreams, friends.