it's a subconscious thing

I am blessed with the unique talent of having extremely ornate and complicated plot lines grace my dreams, and my sex dreams in particular.

Like the dream I had this summer in which I was involved in a torrid 19th century love affair with a man named Stewart, only to be shamed and excommunicated from my church by the priest who wanted me for himself. Stewart and I escaped to the 20th century by way of various puzzles and obstacles, in the end winning a Road Rules camper and a Mini Cooper.

Chris and I had a late night yesterday; went to Chili's by our apartment and downed several margaritas. As a result today I was tired and took a nap. In my dream Chris and I were at a garage sale where an evil woman was selling all the prized possessions of a handicapped man and he could do nothing about it. Chris distracted the woman while I tried to help the man find a way to stop the sale, but then we got a little...distracted as well. In the end we locked up the woman and I took a nice endtable, only to find that it contained a bomb set to go off in 20 minutes. We called the bomb squad and a guy came, took the bomb and tinkered with it in the corner while Chris and I decorated our apartment with ceramic duck figurines.

Just once, I'd like to have a standard issue sex dream, without bells, whistles, or duck figurines, so that I could wake up happy instead of baffled. Is that so much to ask?