Sunday, May 21, 2006

you are the song, and i am the guitar

There's always an album, or maybe just a song sometimes, it seems, that transcends different places in your life and manages to remind you of just about everything all at the same time. When you're 20 it means one thing, it's about this one person, and two years later it means another and this other person, but still those early situations, and so on and so forth.

For me this album is Ani's Dilate. The first time I heard it I thought, this is everything my non-relationship with Ryan was, punching me in the gut with truths I couldn't even admit to myself.

The title song, Dilate, is alternately Ryan, a little of Jamie, and now quite a bit of Jerry.

All I have to do is close my eyes- but I can't anymore. I'm so tired of these pasts that seem unfinished, that can't leave me alone, that I can't address- they're trapping me up and tripping me down the stairs- I wish I could be free of them. But like the song, they're always there. I keep listening.

Oh, summer, oh melodrama. What would I do without you? Here's to your poetry, your memories, your changing tides and windows-down car riding, new friends and old ones, vacations and the joy of being at home.

[I am thinking about both Ani and the people I miss. Here are some songs and the people they remind me of:
Swan Dive- Jamie
Worthy/Cradle and All- Nick M
OK- Katie B
Not a Pretty Girl- Heidi B
Untouchable Face- Ryan
Shameless- That girl from Frog's Club with the pretty black hair
Sorry I Am- A Secret Person]

Le sigh! I am ready for something new, adventurous, and life-changing. Which is to say, welcome to my life again, outside of school and both more realistic and more outerspace, off the charts bizarre. Oh Brave New World!