letters to inanimate objects

dear Season Three of Arrested Development,

Can't you come out sooner than next Tuesday? I reeeeaallly want to see you. I keep hearing your voice in my head and I'm dreaming about you. I love you. Don't leave me hanging.

love,
Lorn

dear Alcohol,

We need to stop seeing each other for a little while. Not too long, you understand- it's just that I've got this audition coming up this week and I'm so busy working on the music. I really need to do well on it, so that this year is fun for me. And you're just getting in the way, seriously. I need some space. You understand, right? Maybe next weekend we can get together again and have a chat? You just let me know.

all the best,
Lorn

dear Boobs,

Thanks for helping me get cheap drinks last night. You guys are the best! Huzzahs all around.

hazily yours,
Lorn

dear Albuquerque, NM,

I'm coming to visit you! I booked my plane ticket and I'm pretty excited. I hope we get to do all the things we've talked about and more, and get to know each other better. I really like the desert, have I told you that? Plus mountains. Sometimes North Texas asks me 'Lorn, what's a mountain?' and I have to stutter for an explanation. It's really very ignorant; you have to be patient with it so as to stay on its good side. Anyway, here's hoping for fun times with you, ABQ!

cheers,
Lorn

dear UNT ensemble auditions,

I am ready to rock out at you. Please, don't be alarmed at how I haven't practiced Brahms 2 as much as I should. I'm working on it- I've got three more days! I think it'll be good for me to shine this year, so I'm hoping for the best. Can you give me a hand? Make sure I stay confident, and don't throw any surprises at me. Is that okay?

sincerely,
Lorn

dear Brahms 2,

EEEEEK.

hopefully practicing,
Lorn