wishes are horses

I'm bored. Other than the fact that I've been reading Pamie's archives, all the way from the beginning, I'm really just in a funk. I meant to get up early today and Get Things Accomplished (tm) but I didn't. I managed to clean my bathroom, but only because I can stand walking on kitty litter for so long.

I am a big scary loser.

I'd really like to get out of the house. Maybe go get some iced chai with someone. I kinda feel like there are very few people out here that I can go to coffee shops with, and that's a strange feeling. In Madison, you're not only up to your ears in coffee shops, but you're up to your ears in friends that want to go to them for studying/gossip/deep discussion. You run into friends at the coffee shop- you don't even have to call them. Case in point? The New Years I went to Madison with Jason, I had a few hours to myself. So I walked around State Street, browsed the stores, and then stopped in to Expresso Royale for a chai. I sat in the window with the couches, and drank and read. About ten minutes later I hear commotion outside, taps on the window, and I look up to see my friend Dan coming through the door with a big grin on his face.

Dan was supposed to be in Mexico. No one I'd talked to knew when or if he was coming back. I hadn't told him I was coming to Madison for the holiday.

Madison coffee shops are magic.

The difference here is, I can't walk to any of them. I'd have to drive and I'd probably sit by myself as I'd never in a million years run into someone I knew except in passing, and they'd have coffee shop friends anyway so I'd just continue to sit quietly and read my nonexistent book (I really need a new book to read, but I can't go to the library. I have a fine. I don't have any cash. I can't get a book to read until I have some cash).

In San Diego, my visits are usually timed up with holidays, and other friends are home. Coffee shops are a good way to catch up with friends. Unfortunately, the only coffee shop I can think of since Borders betrayed me and switched to Seattle's Best is Hot Java, and man, that place is stanky with the hormonal adolescence of Rancho Bernardo's suburban emo kids. It makes me feel weird sometimes just holding the game boxes, like suddenly a cute boy I like will walk through the door and I'll have to hide in my friend's shoulder and giggle uncontrollably. And then maybe I'd go write a song about it on my guitar.

So San Diego coffee shops are not magic.

Anyway, I'm a little bemused about my lack of coffee shop friends. Most people just want to party and adventure and bar hop, and I'm fine with that. Still, I like those quiet evenings spent chatting over a puzzle and figuring yourself out.

Who will be my coffee shop friend?
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I'm missing...Tim and Allison.

I'm trying to get a flight for Labor Day weekend, and everything's about $200. That's not too bad, I guess, but ABQ is so close. Only 2 hours away by plane. I suppose I'd be staying free and I'd see Megan again too and finally meet this cat of hers, and I'd get some hiking and camping in...oh hell, I'm totally going to do it. As soon as I get that check from financial aid.

I also want to go to:
Toronto (Jerry)
New York City (Doug, Davis, Hans?)
Boulder (Emily)
San Diego (Mommy and Daddy)

Sigh.

I have to save up money for a trip to Santa Barbara in November for Sommer's wedding. I have to save up money for auditions in the spring, and if I want to make sure I like the places, I may have to go to them twice...ah hell.

I might have another school to teach at- I got a call today from a high school band director who wants to meet with me. I'm conflicted. On the one hand, teaching is fast, easy money. It is music related; it looks good on the resume. On the other hand, it's just as far away as Mesquite, only in the opposite direction, and I'm tired of driving. I'm terrified of myself for already having put 12,000 miles on my barely 7 months old car. I might have a job at the rec center here, lifeguarding, and if not I'm applying to work as an usher at the Murchison. Work Study. Not as fast easy money.

But I said I'd go out and meet the guy, and play for him.

Here:
I'll get $2000 in work study. I won't spend any more money on gas than usually takes me to get to school, because I can work my schedule around practicing and concerts and classes. I might just bike, anyway, because the rec center has showers.

If I teach 15 new students once a week for three months, I get $2700 for the semester, roughly. Not counting absences, deadbeats, drop outs and days off of school, the total is probably more like $2300 or so. Gas? I'll need half a tank for each trip, plus maintenance every three months.

About even, right? I think I'll go by my stress levels, then. Time for the band director let down!
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Sorry these entries are so long lately. I'm bored. I'm starting to think people don't like me so much because I'm stinky. See, I got a new deodorant. It's 'all natural' as they say. It doesn't really work for shit. I knew this was going to happen- I've experimented with Earth friendly deodorants before. The thing is, I spent $4 on and now I'm determined to get every last cent out of it. So I guess I'll see you guys in about two months or so.

And another thing. Why am I not practicing? I was doing so well for about a week, and then I lost it. I stopped and I forgot to have enthusiasm and drive and now I just don't feel like it at all. I'm going to suck at my audition and Jan's going to be upset with me and I'll end up with no one ever asking me to play in anything or be in any groups, just like last year.

Gah.