Tuesday, February 20, 2007

here i go again on my own

Yesterday was a crappy day...one of those bad music days. You know the drill: you're playing poorly, you're getting called on it, and you're started to feel like you don't have the talent, work ethic, or ambition to get anywhere in the music world. The only cure is to put the horn down, have a few beers and laugh with some friends. This too shall pass.

Thankfully, today it feels like spring is here, and it's warm and sunny. I'm getting anxious to plant my garden. I opened up the windows of my house and went for a run, the first run I've ever gotten actually hot on instead of just less cold, and made myself some delicious breakfast.

I woke up with a song in my head, and I didn't understand why or how it got to be there. The only explanation I can think of is that somewhere last night in between all the spontaneous outbursts of Journey songs this one either popped in or was referenced in some way.

So I googled it, and here is what I got. I don't think I've had anything ever make me feel this good. My favorite part is a toss up between the girl doing the splits between the hoods of two cars, or the crazy open mouth driving kiss.

Rocking out to Whitesnake is just one part of my feel-better plan. I parked today next to the world's largest truck, which had done the world's second worst parking job (the title still goes to this guy), and it just sort made me a little mischievious. So I left him or her a note with the words "enormous", "truck", "learn", "park", and "asshat".

It felt good.

I'm playing tonight in quintet at our tuba player's recital. One of the things that got me down yesterday was playing this piece (the notorious Ewald 1) for chamber departmental and getting criticism the whole time, so much more so than the rest of the group that I began to feel pretty weak. It kept running through my head how silly it was that I was struggling with certain quintet things in the Ewald when what I want to do professionally is quintet. I felt a bit like a joke. I know this is not the way to feel, that you take advice and you make it better on the basis of said advice, and move on to the next struggle...but I don't know. It just got me down this time.

So I'm hoping...no, I'm counting on tonight to go well. I need it to. I need to feel like music is inspiring and good and worth-while. I need to focus and drive forward.

Otherwise I'll end up in a bar everynight jamming out to 80s hair bands.