new and improved lorn!

Now with better vision and clean teeth!

Some observations, since I've been all Listy McBulletpoints lately:

-Having my teeth cleaned is the same kind of nice, in a strange and slightly creepy way, as having someone with long fingernails wash your hair. That's the one thing I miss about going to have my hair cut as opposed to doing it myself. Besides the professional, not fucked-up haircut, of course.
-I was worried to go to the dentist, since I've not been in a long time. I was worried to go to the optometrist because I haven't been in a long time. I get worried about going to hmm, let's say a lady-parts exam because I haven't been in a long time. The longer a time it gets to be, the less I want to go because I'm afraid of what they might say or might find. This is extremely silly and neurotic and I should really get that looked at. But it's been a long time, so...
-My optometrist is awesome because he is completely aware and sensitive to my weird left eye issues. And he cleared something up about why I have weird left eye issues, which is another post entirely.
-Did I mention that my optometrist looks like Wayne Coyne from The Flaming Lips and since I'm inexplicably and irreversibly attracted to Wayne, I am therefore a little crazy in love with my optometrist? Is that weird? That's weird.
-My teeth are perfect except for one small spot that needs sealant. See? I'm a bad-ass.
-They are so smooth now my tongue just slides right off of them. Shiny teeth! Clean!
-I'm hungry but I don't want to eat and spoil the clean. I guess that means it's time to do some holiday shopping.