how not to deal
Well, guys, I am a mess.
I'm still contemplating my break from blogging, but I had to get this out there.
So I'm used to the whole diaspora of friends by now, right? I've made it through some big moves myself, as well as watching people move away from me, and I've made it. I haven't been too upset or distraught and I've managed to go about my daily life without too much sadness.
This isn't how I am right now.
I'm not really sure who I can talk to about it, or how to get through a day without tearing up, or how to even begin to think of this as the start of that new and exciting period in my life I'm getting ready to embark on when I feel a little aimless and lonely.
Anyway. Enough beating around the bush.
Hey, Ben, I miss you.
Too short, that's how I feel about the time Ben and I were friends in the same location. Yeah. We're still friends. But now we're friends with thousands of miles of distance between us, and I'm still stuck in Denton for another two months, trying to decide if the things I've loved doing so much for the past semester (The Loophole on Monday nights, random chats at Art Six, trashy gay flicks, The Flying Saucer, Eddie Izzard references, listening to jazz, back massages) aren't things I want to avoid in hopes that I can stop feeling like shit. I don't think I'd feel so badly if I knew that soon I'd get to be on my way as well, but it's not as soon as I would like it to be. Now with all this free time, and extra cash at that, one of the main people I've spent the last eight months or so with has moved out/up/on.
Dammit.
There are still people here I want to hang out with and have fun with. I love them all very much. But I feel like some of my balance is gone- whereas I might have hung out with someone for something, later that evening I would call up Ben and we'd hang out. Or I'd get invited to a party where I didn't know many people and Ben would come along for company. And on and on, same old sob story.
Greatest hits?
Thanksgiving- the epic all-night conversation. The first couple weeks of going out to the Loophole. The glorious movie Eating Out. Ben's birthday. The first time we all went down to Oaklawn, and the lesser known time before that...when it was just Ben, Jason and I. Ft Worth trips. Knowing I had a good friend from the very beginning.
Better come visit me soon, babe. Like I said a long time ago, I'm going to miss the shit out of you.