Friday, August 31, 2001


Wednesday, August 29, 2001

The big news on is that, apparently, Blogger is a great way to get some boo-tay.

And now I am wondering...are people I don't know reading my blog and wondering? It surely can't be that exciting. My number of philosophical and introspective posts has decreased quite a bit this summer. And lately I've been reduced to observations about spiders (by the way, wouldn't it be cool to have eight limbs?!?!). Sigh.

At any rate, spiders are the reason I slept very poorly last night. I like to watch spiders, I like their webs (but not for walking into), I like the way the move around and eat mosquitos. But I don't like having bad dreams about them that wake me up in a cold sweat and leave me unable to calm down or go to sleep for a good half an hour. It was quite amusing that I woke up, gave a rather loud gasp of suprise, and heard Davis say this, in her sleep: " Don't worry, we'll get to go shopping tomorrow!" I said, "What?!?" and she said, "Don't worry about it, we'll go shopping tomorrow!" And then she rolled over and sank into happy dreamland whilst I, panicky and upset about Corporal Zulu descending on my helpless form with an army of similiarily ugly-type arachnids to chew my head off and suck out all my juices, stared at the ceiling for a while squirming everytime my skin twinged or the blanket brushed my cheek. Eventually I fell into a fitful sleep and woke up worried the next morning that in my myopic condition I would not see Corporal Zulu swinging aimlessly from the ceiling at about eye-level, and walk into him, and then faint, either of fright or of spider bite. At any rate, Corporal Zulu moved back to his original position just above Davis' dresser, and has spent most of his day going up and down, up and down, presumably looking for something good to eat. In all likelihood he is harmless and terrified of my clumsy four-limbed bulk and wants nothing to do with me or my bedsheets. Relax, relax. Spiders are very little and very timid. Spiders like Corporal Zulu (I have not yet identified his family and genus yet) like to stay on the ceiling and stay out of trouble. Deep breaths. Calm, Hawaii, ocean waves, margaritas, teddy bears, back massages. Okay, I think I'm okay now. Okay. Ohhhhkay.

Tuesday, August 28, 2001

Corporal Zulu has begun his descent from the ceiling!

Corporal Zulu is the name we have given to the big scary spider that is hanging from the ceiling in Davis' and my room. He used to be sitting innoculously in the corner, far away from beds and closets and such. But now he has moved to the center of the room! We are all terrified of him. I have sworn that the next time he is within reach I will capture him and take him away. Unfortunately, deep in my heart I know I lack the guts to do such a thing. This is the problem with being a wuss. Corporal Zulu will dominate my life until he is removed from the ceiling. When will he make his move?!?! He's waiting to kill us all, I know it. I can see it in his beady little eyes...

Monday, August 27, 2001

a good evening, spent at the union with bethany, emily and ben, and ben's two friends from nicaragua, maria and becca. many funny moments (as happens with people who don't speak a language as well), and overall entirely enjoyable!

Sunday, August 26, 2001

current source of extreme happiness:
talked to collin and roomate greg (also attractive) while wearing sexy black clothing (for LMS gig).

also, i just saw ian and andy, on their way to "practice" (trans=drink beer at union). Which reminds again that I am excited for school to start and to see everyone again. I also saw BJ earlier. He was obsessing about the Twins and being able to look up Twins scores on the new humanities computer.

unfortunately, all this happiness is wasting away because my roomates are watching a movie and I have no one to annoy. Time to make phone calls.

currently wondering:
how am i going to get to my LMS gig on the east side tonight?

current source of happiness:
1) talked to collin
2) almost finished with Catch 22
3) had wonderful hour-an-a-half warmup session in which i played two songs by ear (i'm learning!) and ALMOST hit a high F (necessary for playing DeMeij T-bone Concerto)

current source of bewilderment:
just woke up from nap

Friday, August 24, 2001

question: why are all the lyrics on ben's top five currently relevant lyrics list sad? :(

Thursday, August 23, 2001

Hmm...Davis now has a "comment" link on her page, where you can post a comment relating to a specific blog and whatnot. neato. I would like such a thing! It's research time. :)

the freshmen are coming, the freshmen are coming!!!!!
I rode past Good Ol' Ogg Hall today, and people are moving in. Hehehe. Pretty soon groups of kids, dressed to kill and looking about nervously as they try to give off the air of "cool and casual college kid," will be parading the streets searching for their first big party. I can't believe this will be my third year of college. In middle school I thought I'd never be a high schooler, in high school I only dreamed about college (if i even thought about it at all outside of senior year), and now, good grief, I'm halfway done. Pretty soon I have to go out and be an ADULT....which scares the pants off of me. I think the adult world is the most depressing of all. Who wants responsibility, and bills, and a full time job? No wonder some people never want to leave college. Gotta make your twenties last...stay young, stay beautiful, keep partying. The Great American Dream.

Wednesday, August 22, 2001

alive, and once again back in Mad-town! it's back to PRACTICING, which went extraordinarily well this morning and I shall be returning for another go tonight. Home was...well, it was iffy whether or not it was worth it. I did get to see Megan, Marisa, Natalie, Tara, Dan, Katie, Jon, Jennii (i think that's everyone), I did go waterskiing, I did get to the beach. On the other hand, I missed Pastor Mark, Sean and Jessie, I didn't practice very much, and I got a terrible sunburn.

Well, life is full of such pros and cons. That's the way it goes. Natalie did give me some French verb cards, from which I have been studying frequently and my French is returning with great speed. Hurray! I am excited to be in a language class again. I am just can already tell that this town is picking up. I ran into Mr. Smith in front of Cafe Royale; we had a nice chat about summer. He really is a funny funny guy. He's just hard to hear from the back row of wind ensemble so you can't tell whether or not he's insulting you. I ran into Sean Greene and Justin on my way to practicing, and Dan and a vocalist, Chris, in the library. At the library I found a score to Fancy Free! Now, if only Jason will give me my tape back...

My brief time at home has reawakened my eyes as to how unique Madison really is. The people here are just...different. It's an atmosphere, it's fun. You see the same people over and over again. Ah yes. I guess I do have two homes. :)

Sunday, August 19, 2001

argh, life:

JeanV999: But you do need that complication to make life a little more complete, though!
Llama721: the roller coaster of life has not yet seen fit to throw a complicated romance curve into my riding enjoyment. call it bad feng shui, what you will.
JeanV999: *lol* Very poetically put.
Llama721: perhaps there is a wastepaper basket in my love life corner
JeanV999: Yes, and then maybe the shredder of heartbreak will be unplugged off the wall?
Llama721: indubitably
JeanV999: Get it off you, really, just find somebody that you can have a decent time with, take the plunge, then dump him if you want, and it will really feel like you got through an important part of life, even if it's a little artificial
Llama721: look, i'd love to, really.
Llama721: it's not like i'm not trying
JeanV999: But you DO sound upset :-)
Llama721: i just get frustrated because EVERYONE, not just you, darling, fawns about how wonderful and fun i am and how oh dear, why doesn't she have a boyfriend? and it just works exactly the wrong way in my head
Llama721: because that's all great and wonderful but let's face the truth here, people, they aren't lining up at my door or anything.

Hans then goes on to say that, once again, he doesn't understand why the above statement isn't so. And that, given the opportunity, yes, he would sleep with me. Thanks Hans. I do appreciate it and I am not insulted about anything. I entirely agree, life is nothing if not thoroughly infused with "complications" and we'd never learn anything if it wasn't. As it is I am tired of watching my friends deal with "complications" and I would like a shot at my own.

and so on. ha-rumph.

hey hey hey buddha stew!

yesterday I went waterskiing with Megan and Marisa! I'm sore. I'm hearing from muscles in my back that I didn't even know existed. I didn't do so hot...I got up three times for about ten seconds average. But it was fun!

Had to talk Jennii back into the bonfire...she was concerned that it would be a waste to save a pit and not have very many people show up, as the situation is suggesting currently. But, in my humble opinion, a bonfire is always fun (except for that one with the frisbee and Jakob, that infernal Swedish idiot..I have nothing against Swedish people, just Jakob) so we shall go through with it anyhow.

Saturday, August 18, 2001

I have just decided that it is a DAMN SHAME that no one uses ICQ anymore. C'mon people! It beats the crap out of IM any day. Some of my best conversations have been on ICQ. And plus, it's got that cute little cat.

Friday, August 17, 2001

I bought some sassy new clothes today. JC Penney is having a big sale, and on top of the discounts and the ten percent off coupon, my mom gets twenty percert for working I went nuts. I got some sexy black boots. Oh yes. I feel like a badass in these boots. Ooooh yes. Badass. Oh. Yes. Uhhh-huh, baby-o.
Well, I have momentarily tamed my female urge to shop. Megan is back! Marisa and I picked her up at the airport and we sat in Balboa Park for a while. We're up to no good again this evening, after supper has been accomplished by our respective families. Huzzah. Maybe I can come up with a reason to wear my sexy badass boots. Hmmm.....

Davis has started a Top Five Blog. I have joined it! If anyone else is interested please send me an email ( and I will invite you! Enjoy!

Thursday, August 16, 2001

i had two crazy dreams last night. one was scary! and the other was frustrating. They both involved, as the main character, this guy who resembled in many ways the guy from the party at HQ that Davis, B and I were checking out (I think his name was Nate, but, like everyone else at that party he refused to make eye-contact with me so I know nothing else about him). Anyway, to the dreams:

The first, I was exploring some sort of fishing community, and the only way to travel on it was to swing back and forth to each platform, where a different fisherman (or woman) was working. I was on this old man's platform, and his was a little farther away than the others from the one following, so I was having trouble working up the courage to swing across. But finally I took my window, and *plop!* I fell in. They all laughed at me, and especially when I tried to get up on the platform and kept tipping it (apparently there was no one fishing on this one). They told me I was scaring the I looked down into the water and suddenly I was sitting at a table, underwater! I could breathe. I think it was a ping-pong table. At any rate, the marine life was amazing...weird sea creatures floating around blithely in that weird-sea-creature way. I was talking to someone on the other side of the table. I don't know who it was. While I was talking this creature that looked like a cross between a jellyfish, an octopus, and a squid swam up and climbed up the wall on my right side (apparently i was now in some sort of submerged gaming room). I looked over at it (admiring its oddness, of course), and it had changed! Now it was a cross between a jellyfish, an octopus, a squid, and a man! Not just any man, oh no, but the incredibly gorgeous man mentioned earlier in the blog. He was mostly man, but he had weird little tentacles in and was sort of gelatinous. The person I was talking to (who at this point became Sarah Florino) said, "Be careful about the tentacles, they sting. And I should know because..." and then she kept talking but I didn't hear her because Jellyfish/Octopus/Squid Man was moving in my direction. And he starting teasing me about something, and then, out of nowhere, he starts tickling me! But it hurts, because he has stinging tentacles. (at this point I'm sure I starting thrashing around in my bed) I start freaking out....I can't move without getting stung more, I can't push his away so I start screaming, "Get away from me, GET AWAY! Get away, get away!" Which, of course, snaps me awake, sweating and terribly grossed-out. It's early to get up! So i go back to sleep. Dreaming once again...

This time I'm in my own house, and my parents have been so kind as to let a few people stay overnight. The only problem is, the only person I know is Davis! And the good-looking guy, no longer with tentacles and fully solid. There are four others, two girls, two guys, and they are young, 16, 17. They pair off (of course) and my parents have a horrific time trying to prevent sex happening on their floors. Meanwhile, I'm in the bathroom, and I don't have any pants on, for some reason. The hot guy walks in on me, and is completely non-plussed. So I'm not either, I guess (I didn't seem to mind at the moment). I don't say a word to him. Suddenly, he looks at me disgustedly and exclaims "Well, you don't have to hit on me! What are you thinking?" I look at him bewilderly and he runs out of the bathroom. I put some pants on, and help my parents play sex police for a while, but then I run across Davis and the boy talking and they both look up at me and smile. Davis has shorter hair. I shrug, and leave...and suddenly I'm lying on my bed, once again not wearing any pants. And the boy walks in again, emits an expression of rage, and shouts "Again! Stop flirting with me!" Now, I'm pretty pissed off at this point, so I get up, put on pants (good grief) and look at myself in the mirror. I have long, blonde hair! And the face isn't exactly mine either. But this doesn't faze me, I just say, "wow, my hair's growing fast" and walk into the living room. Once there, I proceed to shout obsenities and insults at the boy, citing that "you wouldn't know if someone was flirting with you if they hit you with a truck and screamed it at you through a megaphone!" Screaming, again, awakens me. Frustration, anger, and small amounts of self-doubt assail me.

And those, darlings, are my dreams. I think I can come to a conclusion about both, but for the sake of time and blog space, i shan't right now. :)

Wednesday, August 15, 2001

ah well, the Zoo never worked out. They left just as I was leaving the airport...a fact which annoys me just a little (why couldn't they wait half an hour?) but then there was no way for them to know! Ah well, I talked to Jessie on the phone last night.
I did get my teeth cleaned today! hurray! i love going to the dentist. I know this sounds odd and not at all American but I do. Kathy, the hygenist, is hilarious and Dr. Aanuerud is pretty cool. Mostly it's just because, ever since I got my braces off, I've had this obsession with keeping my teeth clean and shiny. Hmm. My wisdom teeth, in keeping with my dental history, are underdeveloped and slow to erupt. They don't have any roots yet! And from how it looks, I don't have any upper ones at all. At any rate, this is the "perfect time" to get wisdom teeth out, when they don't have any roots. Yargh. Ok, we'll think about that when it gets closer to Christmas Vacation.

*Rumble rumble!* My tummy is hungry. I hope dinner is ready soon.

Tuesday, August 14, 2001

I am home! Ah but which home, you ask, as I have been known to say that Madison is as much my home as San that I repeat this I see it isn't true. Madison is my home away from home...but not completely, not sufficiently. San Diego shall always be my home. I knew this the minute I stepped outside...and breathed the very air that surrounds my home town. The sky was that shade of blue that only California can accomplish, the sun was...well, sunny, and the ocean and downtown of course have remained the astonishing and beautiful creations that they are. Upon arriving I met my dad, and he informed me that, yes indeed, Megan is going to be home this weekend! And I will see Jessie and hopefully others (Jon, Nat, Tara...) tonight. On the ride home I laughed outloud at two memories that flashed into my head. The first was Jeff thinking the Cadillac's trunk wasn't shut completely (when in fact it is automatic and shuts on its own) and getting his fingers stuck underneath!!! The second was a most likely little remembered conversation I had with Mike about where to go for Prom dinner...he suggested this place he knew of that was near the 163-15 split. I was puzzled because there is next to NOTHING at the split for at least two miles either direction (except for Miramar)...ah, so we had a joke about the invisible floating restaurant above the split.

As much as San Diego is still actual house is not. It's changed. I've changed. I can't be a college student there because I was a high school kid in the same physical space; there's too much discrepancy between "was" and "is" that I have trouble adjusting. I figure this is the same type of thing every kid has coming home after long absences. Still, it's remarkable to actually experience the things everyone told you you'd be experiencing at some point or another. So home has become the whole town, the memories, and the fun I know is inherent in these streets I know so well...while reliving old happy memories you create new ones. La Jolla is always La Jolla (even though the squirrels have taken over and declared martial law), the Zoo is always World-Famous, and even my high school has things to offer (going back and making fun of the kids in band camp)...ah San Diego. I am extremely lucky to have grown up in such a place. I am extremely lucky at any rate, and I must never forget it!

Monday, August 13, 2001

Buddha Stew is so pretty. I am proud of my color coding acheivements. Although there is so much more I can do. Ah...but that's what going home is for! Time on your hands and a cable modem. Although I just noticed that if I want to abbreviate Buddha Stew it's BS...which I guess is fitting in many ways.

Well!!! Yesterday I took the plunge. I signed myself up for French 203. I'm scared! I haven't studied french for a year and a summer. That's a long time. I tried to remember some verbs today, and I even had trouble with etre! Ah well, I will do mass studying for the next three weeks and it'll all be okay. I also have an auditon date and time: August 31st, at 3:20 pm. In Mills Hall. Mills! EeeeK! Big, loud, scary Mills Hall. Yikes. Ok, ok, calm. It'll all be okay...

No news. I have just eaten a peach and I am, therefore, content. Almost finished with The Brothers Karamozov. It is very good! I can't put it down for more than two hours or I get antsy. Dmitri's trial will start soon, and my guess as to who murdered Fydor Karamozov was right! Although...I still have another two hundred pages to go, and Dostoyevsky is oh-so-good at plot twists. I'd like to finish it before tomorrow, so I can start a new book on the plane. I went to the University Book Store on Saturday and, lo and behold, they were having a 1/2 price book sale. So here's a list of what I bought:

The Tao of Pooh and The Te of Piglet, both by Benjamin Hoff;
The Dharma Bums by my favorite Beat, Jack Kerouac;
The Unbearable Lightness of Being, Milan Kundera;
Hocus Pocus, Kurt Vonnegut;
Half Asleep in Frog Pajamas, Tom Robbins;
Lolita, Vladimir Nabokov;
and a book of selected poems by Allen Ginsberg.

I haven't decided which one to start next. The problem is, I said I would start Catch 22 as soon as I finished Brothers, and after that, The Sound and the Fury. But here I am with all these books I desperately want to read right way, and I think Heller and Faulkner are going to have to wait another long while. I'm leaning toward Vonnegut, but the Kundera sounds awfully tempting. Help!

Saturday, August 11, 2001

the big question of the weekend has been: What to get Grant for his birthday? I am starting to get an inkling of an idea...we shall see. I was going to get him a winter hat (as he has none and it is very pitiful and makes me cold just to look at him) but "we don't start getting those in until the end of September" was the response I've gotten from the places I've looked. Sigh.

Grant's birthday means it is Chris' too! Perhaps a phone call to Boston will be made...and, Hurray! today is the last day of Drum Corps. Perhaps we'll start seeing some old friends more regularly now. Can't wait for move-in time, when everyone will start ringing our doorbell and visiting again.

I yelled at Ryan yesterday, but he laughed at me. Ok, so it was kind of funny. He called to find out if there was a party at Issac's, and I had no idea so I said, "how the hell should I know if there's a party at Issac's?!?!" But he didn't hear me (something up with his phone) so I had to repeat it about five times and each time I got angrier until finally he did hear me and he chuckled, that Ryan-chuckle thing that usually delights me but just ended up being terribly annoying at the time. Anyway, didn't go to Issac's, and didn't call Ryan back (as he said, call me if you're going, and not, call me either way mwahahahaha!). thought about other things. mostly about how to get back at Kris Nonn for ragging on me all the time. So far, I have not come up with any solutions. Tonight is the last night I have to put up with it though, it's all good. We are having a party after the show...hopefully people will come and have a good time. At any rate, it's time to go out into the world and get some fresh air.

Friday, August 10, 2001 an effort to drown out the musical crap I heard on z104 at work today, I came home and cleaned the kitchen to the American Graffitti soundtrack. Good music never fails. :)

not too much longer til I go home! The weather today in Madison is perfect San Diego: a bit of a chill to the air but still sunny and warm. Beautiful. Only two more days of OTT and then, basically, I go home! Hurray!

There isn't a lot to be said I shan't force it.

Thursday, August 09, 2001

scoobadobadowaaaadibadascoowadi ba bida skeewadah
another hoooooooooottt day in madison wisconsin. waaa dahbiba twadi skeedoba
i'm thinking about singing, whistling, and all other musical type things i do in public without really realizing that i do them. i just do. it's part of my nature to burst into song or whistle whatever i've just been practicing. the only reason i became aware of the "oddness" of this (in other people's eyes) is that i completely startled a girl sitting on a bench in humanities today. i don't think she expected anyone to come out of a room whistling. she looked at my strangely, and as i walked past, she smiled humorously, as though i was quaint. inwardly, i laughed, so i started singing outloud. hwahaadobadowa...i like singing. improvising stuff, mostly. would i still like it if i heard what my voice sounded like to other people? i hope so. ah well, let 'em suffer.

Tuesday, August 07, 2001

see lorn. see lorn bored. see lorn also hot, sweaty, and not really tired enough to go to bed.'s what lorn's going to do: she's going to open to a random page in how to do (almost) everything and tell all the world how to do it. ready? here goes the flippage....alright...everyone prepare yourself to learn (drumroll please):

How to Throw a Football
Throwing a football poses a problem for many people because of the ball's size and unique shape. But with a little practice, you can throw like a pro. More or less.

1) Grip the football by interlacing your fingers between the football's laces and seams.
2) Protect the ball by cradling it with two hands, and hold it just under your chin as you step back to throw.
3) Cock your throwing arm back with your elbow bent.
4) Extend your free arm in fornt of you for balance; point the arm and hand at your target.
5) Keep your shoulders level for a short pass (10 yards or less); dip the shoulder of your throwing arm for longer distances.
6) Snap your arm forward and floow through with your shoulders and hips as your weight shifts to your front foot.
7) Release the ball when your arm is slightly above your head and out to the side.
8) Add velocity and spiral to the ball by flicking your wrist and fingers just as you release it.
9) Finish with your index finger pointing forward and down, and with your palm facing the ground.

Congratulations everybody, you can now throw a football. Stay tuned for more interesting unrelated How-To instructions.

Anyway, I got a great email from Tara today. I'm going to put a quote of hers in the quote spot. I quite enjoy it. Ice Princesses Unite!

argh...i am mortified. i have hurt my baby, my precious horn...i dropped my inner slide today while cleaning it (actually it was more of a bump and a fall) and now something is wrong!! i can't find any dents but it's slow up at the top, i think i may have sprung it a little and now it doesn't fit in the outer slide as well. boo hoo! this is a travesty...this is terrible!! it still works...but a trombonist is picky about her must go to corky...but when?!? i have the musical all weekend and then on tuesday i leave for home. i wonder if corky could fix it before i go home (i need to work on audition stuff!)...i'll call him. hmph. *sob!* i'm so sorry baby!

well, yesterday was a fun-packed day! Emily and I took off for Chicago via the 5 am Van Galder bus (or van gelder as i am so fond of misspelling it) and once there, met up with her friend Harrison and his brother Lee. We hung out at Navy Pier and rode the Ferris Wheel, explored the Aquarium (it took us at least forty-five minutes of waiting in line to get in), saw a movie, walked Grant Park, and all that fun stuff. Harrison is a very entertaining person and reminds me of Mike Muna in a lot of ways, and is totally the opposite at the same time (much less rock'n'roll lifestyle ;). His brother was a sweetheart too. So it was a good day. The bus ride back I spent trying to make a decision. Before all of my personal tradegy on Sunday night, I had been mentally preparing the sort of things I wanted to say to Ryan if I ever had the courage to pin him down. You know, stuff like "Not only did you break my heart, but you totally went against your word..." or "i can't stand seeing you again after periods of absence, because I realize I haven't recovered..." blah blah blah. No. I think before I do that (and in order to give myself a situation in which I could say such things) I have to be a little extreme first. You can all shoot me if you think I'm wrong or if this is a horrible plan that will backfire and leave me twice as upset as before, please tell me. I'm just not going to call him, or ask him to do anything with me. If he comes over I will be perfectly civil but not friendly. Let him be buds with Emily, which seems to be more on his agenda that being friends with me is. I know this is horrible and jealous. If you understood how absolutely FED UP I am with this whole situation, I think it might make sense. I just can't do it anymore. In order to put my heart back together I have to play the Ice Princess (sorry for stealing your role, Megan, I'll get it back to you as soon as I'm through). I will be happy and busy (yargh, The Rules)...too busy for him. I swear...I can't have him mucking around with my emotions anymore. The Great Ryan Depression stops now.

Sunday, August 05, 2001

i have so many people i love...for different things, for special things each...people make me happy. but there must be something wrong with me. when am i on the receiving end of this compliment? i'm not a sparkling conversationalist, i don't even tease well or have dashing wit. always outshone, never in the spotlight. never singled out for anything...but what's the point? i know it's not everything. bt it's something i wish i had...even for a little bit. no, if i try to bring attention to myself i get shot down, or i interrupt something and am ignored (my own fault, i know) or i just start talking nonsense that no one cares to listen to. sometimes i feel like i shouldn't talk at all. i can't compete...why should i bother?

i know davis doesn't feel pathetic or lonely about boys, and this is very good. I am proud of you davis....keep it up. unfortunately i feel VERY pathetic and VERY lonely about boys, and i think it's the root of most of my social issues. I don't know...I have wonderful friends, but as is human nature I am greedy and I want more. It is very difficult to watch your roomate be her wonderful and very charming person (both reasons why i love her) around someone you wish could be yours...and know that you just can't compare, that's it obvious there's nothing left over for you. Jealousy is a feeling I truly despise having...and yet I seem to be so practiced at it. Why must I be so possessive about people? Is it because I crave attention so badly? I don't need to just makes things worse. but i do anyway. Tonight was a battle for control...of my own will. The part of me that just wanted to give up and cry it out later won. Which is a good thing in at least one way: I didn't make a fool of myself or further demolish my connection to either roomate or boy. but now I'm just fed up. I crave love, attention, total involvement. Everything. And as I know that I can't have it (oh, you can't hurry love, no, you just have to wait) unless am patient and undemanding....well, I guess I'll just have to get over it. mom always warned me about it. She wouldn't take any of it. Maybe she had a point.

Saturday, August 04, 2001

yes yes, i know that buddha stew has not been very entertaining or even remotely interesting lately, for which I apologize. Not much is happening. OTT is going fine. I am spending a good deal of time making cracks at Kris Nonn (and getting many back in return) and joking around with Justin. Now here's a weird thing, I just did it: Words that end in "IN" like Justin, sometimes I spontaneously add a "g" to the end because it makes it more like my last name. Sort of a force of habit. Ah yes. habit.

Boys! I am very annoyed. That's all I have to say about that.

Laughter is such a wonderful thing. I have some friends I would like to hear laugh again (dan and natalie, jessie, megan) because it would make things a little more complete. I wish there was no such thing as absent friends...if i could gather all my friends from all over the country together in one place, i would do it in a flash. but no one place is perfect for everyone, and absence makes the heart grow fonder ("or forgetful" to quote Robin Hood) so I guess I cannot have what I wish for. I would like to see Chris and Mike again (on a regular basis, and preferably not discussing drum corps ;)...actually I am missing a lot about Humanities and the friendliness that goes on there...especially in the hallway by my locker. So much good stuff. I'm currently trying to remember something particularily funny that Sean and I were laughing about once...but it's just not coming to me. I think it has something to do with the time and temperature lady, but i'm not exactly sure what.....OOOOOOH I've got it. It was the Touchtone Enrollment Joke. OH yes. "HI, and welcome to the University of Wisconsin Touchtone Enrollment System. For a major scale, press one. For a minor scale, press two. For assistance in slide positions, press three. If you have a question about additional techniques, please stay on the line. Thank you." Ah yes...that was great. that went on for days, I recall. Priceless. Well, now that I've remembered it, I can go to bed happy. :)

Wednesday, August 01, 2001

today, Madison WI has been given an excessive heat warning. and good lord, yes it does feel like it. i need to go to walgreens but i'd rather just sit on my bed reading, with the fan blowing right in my face. i'll get there...i just need to stop being so damned sweaty and hot first. i hope it's not like this tomorrow, when i have to spend eight hours at olbrich beach. grr. two more weeks, only! till i go back home to my parents' air conditioned house. hurrah.