Wednesday, March 30, 2005

giant mutant tarantula moth, or...unexpected memory of lorn's childhood?

Last night, I (poorly) took pictures of this crazy bug that was hanging out in the parking lot by my car.

I thought maybe a moth and a tarantula had illicitly gotten their proverbial groove on, but it turns out it's one of these: Polyphemus Moth.


Sadly, when I came across the creature, it was dying, likely because of the damage to its wing as you can or cannot see from my blurry picture.

The thought crossed my mind, last night, that it might be a kind of luna moth. When I was very young, six or seven, a luna moth took up residence for its short life in our backyard in Illinois. It was one of those moments of wonder that you associate with childhood- your parents taking you by the hand to show you something of great value and impressing upon you the beauty and imagination that goes into this world and its creatures. And you, wide-eyed and awed, maybe not completely understanding all of the intricacies therein, cannot help but be struck dumb by the very depth of what you are experiencing.

Oh, to be young again.

i'm sorry, did i fall off the edge of the earth again?

I seem to have a habit lately of disappearing. Most of the time it has been my fault, as busy-ness seems to have suddenly overwhelmed my otherwise mundane life.

My absence of the last few days, however, owes a big FUCK YOU to Comcast for being a shitty internet company. Thanks much, Comcast! Kiss kiss!

Anyway, I'm sorta kind back for good for a while.

Jason is giving a recital tomorrow night that I imagine is going to rock hard core. Everyone wish him good luck!

If you'll excuse me, I'm off to:
-Do my taxes
-Email 8 million people about random necessary items
-Establish Texas residency
-Bother my students' parents for money
-Drink $1 beers at Two Rows with the unmatched, undefeated, and unstoppable midwestern duo that is Tim and Allison.

Saturday, March 26, 2005


So, I just got this email from the College of Music at U N T. Here's the important part:
Dear Lorn:

Based upon the recommendation of the faculty, you have passed your audition on a provisional basis to the Master of Music program in trombone performance. Provisional admission requires that you re-audition at the conclusion of your first long semester of applied study. At that time a recommendation will be made regarding your admission status.

Translation: come here, work hard, rock out, and show us that you mean it.

Done and done.

Wednesday, March 23, 2005

a short and sweet post in which i bitch about money

Does anyone have an Easter gig they want to give me? A nicely paying one? In the greater Metroplex area? Please? I plays trombone real nice.

In between lessons today I sat down and figured out that my students, in total, owe me upward of $1,000. Today I was given $300 of that. And I'm still waiting on Mesquite ISD to process my check for scholarshipped lessons- which adds another $300 to what I have coming to me.

Supposedly I am supposed to get about $400 in tax refunds as well. However. I can't seem to open the proper form on the IRS webpage. Um, grr?

Total money coming to Lorn: $1,700 (and that's not counting what will come at the beginning of April for lesson renewal)
Total money she has actually seen: $300
Total money owed by Lorn in rent: $400
Total money owed by Lorn in various bills: $200

Remainder: $1,100.


Tuesday, March 22, 2005

a celebratory oil change is in order

My car turned 80,000 today, at 9:54 pm on MacArthur Blvd in Irving, Texas, just before I merged onto 635E. Happy Birthday, Edie! Thanks for being the California-Wisconsin-Michigan-Texas Express. Here's to another 80!

Some notes on jazz band tonight.
Effects of not playing bass trombone for two weeks: sub-par accuracy and shaky tone. Wee. While playing Nardis, however, I stepped things up and stopped thinking about it and of course I stopped playing crappily.

Tom made a funny noise and Adam, the bass player, spit Sprite all over the drummer and guitar player.

Our concert is April 12, 2005 at 7:30 pm. You should come. All of you. Fly in from across the country. The address is:
North Lake College
5001 MacArthur Blvd
Irving TX 75038

And we're splitting it with the UNT 4 O'Clock Lab Band (which apparently isn't special enough to warrant anymore than a blurb as one of "the other six lab bands"), so it's going to be a sweet show.

I'll expect you, then.

Monday, March 21, 2005


Just a few links regarding the Terry Schiavo case.

The hypocrisy of Bush's actions in Texas.
In 1999, then-Gov. Bush signed the Advance Directives Act, which lets a patient's surrogate make life-ending decisions on his or her behalf. The measure also allows Texas hospitals to disconnect patients from life-sustaining systems if a physician, in consultation with a hospital bioethics committee, concludes that the patient's condition is hopeless.

And the effects:
In Houston, six month old baby taken off life support.
Judge denies request to stop center from taking man off life support.

This is not about whether people should live or die as they choose anymore. It's about using these kinds of everyday struggles (or whichever happens to be convenient at the moment) for political grandstanding that only divides the country further on complex gray issues.

Ms Lauren's series on the "Culture of Life":
Cancer Valley
Life in Baghdad
Gerri Santoro
Zeena Quishtiny

Please note how "erring on the side of life" does not apply to:
1. Victims of corporate greed and pollution
2. Women
3. People in cultures other than our own, especially those we are "at war with."
4. Basically anyone whose specific case is not deemed worthwhile for politicians to make a big hullabaloo over.

Luckily, someone can still find humor in this: Other 293 Million Americans Waiting for Congress to Pass Bills for Them.

mother, may i?

My mother baffles me sometimes.

I noticed sometime after I moved back to San Diego last year, a ways past all the crazy Jerry angst, that she'd stopped asking me about boys. And me in relationships with them.

Usually with my mom, at least in college, a conversation between us might go something like this:
L: I might have to go soon, because my friend (Chris, Mikey, Jason, Dan, etc) is coming over and we're going to dinner.
M: So who is this boy. A friend? Eh? Eh?
L: Yes, mom, a friend.
M: Oh.

But then there was this priceless conversation we had when I started dating Jerry:
L: Mom! Guess what! I have some funny coincidental irony for you. Remember when I was little and you told me I could never bring home a boy with a nose ring? [see, what I'm doing here is mistakenly thinking that, being now a responsible and proven adult, my parents will be able to join me in finding the humor in their past admonitions]
M: A nose ring! Is he dangerous?
D: When he comes to visit, he can just leave the nose ring at home.
M: Is he a nice boy? Does he do drugs? Why does he have a nose ring?

But anyway, that all worked out. She loves Jerry. She has no idea that the main reason we broke up is because he's gay, and still thinks, maybe, that we'll be back together someday? Far be it for me to say.

My personal favorite is the veiled "are you a lesbian" question attempt, not answered in any truthfulness by me because it came in the midst of our discussion on same-sex marriage during last year's State of the Union address.
M: Gay people can't get married! It's tradition for straight people! Save something for the straight people! I don't care who you love! I don't care if our neighbors are lesbians! I don't care if you're a lesbian! [She proceeds to peer at me as though searching my soul for shameful truth of my lesbian tendencies]
L: This is ridiculous.

So anyway. She stopped asking. Even if I dropped hints* like a madwoman.
*Or in some cases, blatant advertising
L: So I went on this date last night!
M: Oh, that's nice. How's your weather?

Maybe she doesn't want me to date. Is it possible that all the times I feigned interest in things I "was supposed to learn" for when I "had children of my own someday" I was in fact transparent in my disgust? Has she given up all hope of seeing me happily partnered and tucked away cozily into traditional society?

That's perhaps healthier for her, as I have no intention of doing these things myself.

But you'd think that she'd at least be happier for me than the following conversation suggests:
L: So, guess what? I started seeing this guy last weekend. His name is Chuck, and he plays the trombone too. He's from Houston, blah blah blah.
M: OH! Houston! Does he have an accent?
L: (laughs) Only when he's drunk.
M: (cautiously) Is he drunk a lot?
L: Yes mom, and he beats me. No, what do you think? Here, I'll send you a cute picture.
M: Is he drunk in the picture?

Mommikins, I love you, but you are so weird sometimes.

Sunday, March 20, 2005

chronology of events

3/5/05: Jason throws me an after-audition party following my audition at UNT. Drunken hookup ensues.

3/6-3/11: Week spent wondering if drunken hookup was only that or maybe more.

3/11: Dinner spent wondering if drunken hookup was only that or maybe more. Jason hosts Big Lebowski drinking game party. Hand is held. Somewhat less drunken hookup ensues.

3/12: I am visited in Dallas by boy, we have a good time.

3/13, early morning: Heading out for South Padre Island.
3/13, afternoon: Drinking begins immediately.
3/13, evening: Boy and I "fold" on the rest of the crew, not going to a club but instead walking around and people-watching. We save the hotel from burning down.

3/14: More SPI Spring Break events. Wooo. Lots of fun is had. Lots.

3/15: Say goodbye to boy in parking lot in Corpus Christi, spend the next eight hours cramped in a car trying not to strangle anyone. Especially loudtalkers.

3/17, early morning: Boy shows up in Dallas and we spend all day in bed.
3/17, evening: St Patrick's Day/Gabe's birthday.

3/18-3/20: Gooooooood times.

I think that pretty much brings you all up to speed. Are there any other questions?

Here's a fun madlib:
Seeking a new career? Be a fishstick or just look like one! In just (square root of) -1 sessions, we can have you fellating, horseback riding, and swimming like a top-paying labia. Opportunities in this smarmy field are limitless. There is no fee! Just come in for a free consultation. Our expert crocodiles will analyze your juice and determine your potential for success in this facetious field. Use your natural buttocks to earn plump money and have time hump your dreams too. Just ask Chuck, who came to us looking like a train out of potato, and in just ten days we improved his pubic hair 100%. We even corrected his horrible Monostat 7. It was just in the nick of time because the Upsilamba Squad was ready to ban him from the ceiling fan. Don't wait another day. Time is running out.

Saturday, March 19, 2005

i think we're alone now...bum ba bum ba bum ba

How wass your St Patty's Day? Mine was fantastic. It was Gabe's birthday, and we threw her a party.

So in case you were wondering, there's this new sexy man in my life, and his name is Chuck. You can see how awesome we are here. Don't deny it, it's true. His personal home of web-based self-aggrandizement is here.

Anyway. Well into the early hours of March 18th we left Gabe's party to...well, you know. Make out and stuff. We went to Kroger for some "supplies." I'd say it was about 3 am. Or drunk o'clock, as Chuck insists on calling it. The only people in the store were the two of us and the three employees stuck working the ass-early (ass-late?) shift.

So we're standing in front of this glass case, containing condoms and Monostat 7 (sexy!), trying to figure out if we have to ask someone to open it for us. It obviously must be locked, because there is a lock on it. It never occured to us to try and open it anyway. You know the drill. Didn't even see the little metal handles for the sliding door off on the sides.

I, being an impatient drunk, am perfectly ready to give up on this particular endeavor, but naturally standing in a nearly deserted grocery store strikes me as an ideal place to make out with my man. So I say...

"Hey, let's make out! There's no one around!"

And Chuck says...


And the minute we go in for the kiss, this guy walks right past us. Like, two feet away.

Speed record for high-tailing it out of a grocery store after you've been caught making out in front of the condom case at drunk o'clock in the morning? Broken.

The next day, when we went back to Kroger for some other things, I was curious. So I went over to the pharmacy.

The glass case? Yeah, it was unlocked.

Wednesday, March 16, 2005

it's true. i've seen them do it.

Urban Legends

hopes officially heightened

Got this email from one of the trombone professor at UNT, yesterday. Help me interpret it to mean that I will be accepted in a manner that does not jinx my actual acceptance?


Thanks for your message. It was nice to meet you and hear you play.
I'm also glad that you had a chance to work with Jan the other day.
She had good things to say about her session with you.

As you know, we're on spring break now, so we won't be able get things
wrapped up until next week sometime.

Best wishes,


Which reminds me. I should tell you about my lesson with Jan.

Did I mention that she managed to completely redefine my trombone playing? Because that would be pretty close to the truth of it. Not to forget that she also managed to boost my ego through the fucking roof.

I went in and played the last two sections of the Hindemith for her, not too badly but sounding very much like I hadn't practiced it for two weeks (which was true). She put it aside after I finished and went headlong into her spiel- how to breathe, basically. I can't explain it here. It's very yogic. We talked about what makes the sound on the instrument- nothing physical. The note we want to play in our head is what comes out of our trombone. That's a concession to all the arguments I had with Bill over the years- but it's not that I didn't believe him, it's just that he taught it to me incorrectly.

Anyway. I learned that, although all my life I've been singing alto parts and had no conception that I could sing high, I am apparently a very rare true soprano.

And that I caught on more quickly to her breathing mentality than a fair share of professionals she's worked with.

And she asked me if I had perfect pitch, to which I said no, I don't think so- and so then she said I had great relative pitch. Suck on that, Bill.

Anyway, these are the ego boosters. By the end of the lesson she had me play the Hindemith again, and I didn't recognize my playing. It was amazing.

It was nearly a two hour lesson.

I am so in love with the idea of going to UNT, studying with Jan, and coming out of it a rocking trombone player. Fuck it, it's not Texas. It's a little bubble in the middle of Texas that makes all the shit worthwhile. Shiny and pretty, even.

So my hopes are pretty high. But here's the thing: even if I don't get in, my plan was to stay here anyway and keep teaching (if it ain't broke...). So money will go into my savings every month for lessons with Jan, and who knows what'll happen next year...

Who knows indeed.

Tuesday, March 15, 2005

okay, now i'm avoiding you

Just kidding.

I don't have much to say, which is to mean that lots has been happening. Lots.

I'm still alive though. Don't you worry about me.

New pictures on the photoblog. That's my boy there in the red shirt. Hot. ;)

Saturday, March 12, 2005

i have so much to tell you

But I'm so tired and so out of blogging practice.

Would you like to be tantalized? Because that's about all you'll get for now.

The first one is obvious: I have internet! Weee!

The second one is, whoa, I had the BEST LESSON EVER with JK yesterday.

The third one is a boy. :)

The fourth one is...I need to watch all this drinking I've been doing. Which probably won't happen effectively until after I get back from South Padre. I can't believe I'm going on a real, MTV style spring break, and I'm not even in college anymore. I am going to be so out of place.

What's new with all of you?

By the way, a word of advice. The drinking game "Drink whenever they say any variant of 'fuck' in The Big Lebowski" is a really really bad idea. Unless you want to hurt the next day.

Friday, March 11, 2005

just when i thought i'd never have to come back here...

At the Plano Library for internet fun and games, because, yes, my getting connected to the world wide webberverse in the comfort of my own home is proving to be, as I suspected, the world's largest PAIN IN THE ASS.

So I'm on my way back up to Denton, to have a lesson with JK, and I thought I might as well stop in here and see what I've been missing. And oh, have I been missing it.

Updates, in brief:

-Rejection from Minnesota came via email two days ago. Rock.
-I'm almost totally broke, thanks to the visit to UMn that milked my funds
-But I'm still going to go to South Padre Island with Jason and Co. for a few days of spring break, because I'm cool like that.
-Spring Break means I will be:
1. Filing a small claims against America West for destroying my horn in November
2. Doing my taxes
3. Praying daily that I make it into UNT so I don't have to spend another year feeling like a big loser.

If you could be so kind as to send positive internet vibes my way, it may be that I will be officially hooked up and ready to go tomorrow, when the guy comes to finish what he obviously dropped the ball on last time he was here.

Wednesday, March 09, 2005


"Kissing a Republican is like licking your own ass." --Allison.

"Licking a Republican is like smelling Allison!" --Lorn

Sunday, March 06, 2005

fair warning

There will soon be a series of increasingly incriminating drunken pictures on the photoblog, as soon as I get set up with internet at home. I'm still at Jason's, wondering if I should wait for him to wake up so I can help clean up the mess of Halloween costumes, shot glasses, and miscellaenous plastic weaponry currently presiding over his apartment, or if I should just go home now and take a long, long hot shower and a righteous nap.

Last night was awesome for many reasons, one of them being unexpected and yet marvelous none the less.

Which makes the hangover all the more bearable.

Saturday, March 05, 2005

how ya been? i've been busy

*Minnesota audition: went okay, not spectacular, but okay. I have renamed Minneapolis "Sexy-apolis" because it is. Pictures forthcoming.

*Move to new apartment: successful and almost entirely painless. Except for one, bitterly, aggravatingly stupid and disastrous thing I did which I will not relate here.

*UNT audition: went great. Started a little rocky but got better.

*Updating old-ass laptop from 98 to XP: successful. Internet at my apartment is hooked up tomorrow.

*Drinking myself into gracious oblivion: Pending. Festivities this evening.

Hasta manana- I hope!