Wednesday, June 29, 2005

on the road again!

I might not be blogging for a few days, maybe a week, as Chuck and I are headed out to Wisconsin tomorrow!!

We'll be in Memphis tomorrow night, and heading up to Madison on Friday. Then it's up to Chippewa Falls for a family reunion followed by lots of drinking and lakeing with Tim and Allison in Rice Lake!! We might even make it to the Cities for some good ole Sexyapolis funtimes. Send me an email if you think you'll be in the same place as me and want to hang out!



Friday, June 24, 2005


My trip to Wisconsin has just been put in jeopardy due to a car repair bill (and the car repair was for the road trip, thus making this a Catch-22 of the most painful variety) totaling $524.31. For brake repairs. That they told me originally in estimate would cost $90.

Add this to the fact, that although I wanted to put it on my credit card, I was turned down due to a computing error on someone's part (possibly mine) that had my latest payment scheduled for July 7th, and not immediately as I had planned. Being as I only have a thousand dollar limit, it wouldn't take the car repair bill thus forcing me to use my bank account.

Did I get taken for a ride here? Get screwed by the repair place? Looking over the bill it seems in order- parts, labor, etc., but they still lied to me about the total cost of the repairs. Should I complain? How do I go about doing that in a less-than-ignorant-of-car-repairs fashion than I feel I am currently able to do?

With rent due in a week and various other bills on the docket, I'm not sure how I can feasibly drive to Wisconsin on so little cash. Before the car repairs, I was doing great. For the first time in months I didn't have to worry about money and I was actually getting some things I needed taken care of done.

I guess what I'll do is just put all my gas on the credit card, and go easy on the expenses. Maybe not come back with quite as much beer as previously planned. Stay away from The Exclusive Company and A Room of One's Own in Madison. Eat PB & J for all non-essential meals (money will be saved for Noodles, Himal Chuli, and Expresso Royale chai lattes)...

Crap, crap, crap. Fuck.

Wednesday, June 22, 2005

the most foul odor

I'm minding my own business, typing the entry you see below, when the most wretched fart stench I have ever had the displeasure to wiff up my tender nostrils emerged seemingly from nowhere.

Don't look at me, I didn't do it. My farts smell like roses and sound like bells.

Chuck is in Denton. Not a boy fart.

Sure, it could be the cats...but they're all asleep in the other room, aren't they?


Dmitri, behind the monitor, asleep.

Woke himself up with the smell of his own fart.

And then gave me a dirty look because of it.

What! I'm not the one who eats cat food with such appetizing descriptions as chicken and liver" or "turkey and tuna with special fart juices"! I don't deserve this kind of nasal abuse.

What kind was it again? Because I ain't buying that again.

time for more sexist science!

Okay, the science itself is not actually all that sexist, but there are some hidden things in the article I wanted to point out: Avoiding soya 'may aid fertility'.

Objection #1: The phrasing of the title suggests that women want babies. Of course they want babies! And how could they be so selfish as to be vegetarian? Women everywhere are killing off mankind's precious genetic material!

Objection #2: There's no mention of what soya does to sperm inside a man's body, but then I suppose it's rash and insulting to consider that there are any male vegetarians in the world. The masculine, brawny, stronger male sex eats its meat! Rare!! And should a man have such a weakness as lactose intolerance, well, it's just likely that he's man enough to suck it up and deal with the pain.

Objection #3: I'm seriously considering going out and stocking up on more soy products right now. Why didn't they tell me how to use this to my advantage? I might just go chug my entire gallon of Silk...

Wait, birth control? Oh yeah, all women want babies. IMMEDIATELY!


Here's some fun information on soy. Please forgive the shitty grammar.

Tuesday, June 21, 2005

three things

Tagged by Erica, indirectly. :)

Three Screen Names You Have Had

1. Llama721
2. Enjolrasse (I miss that one)
3. Valkyrie

Three Physical Things You Like About Yourself

1. my feet
2. my swimming prowess
3. my sideways glance

Three Physical Things You Don't Like About Yourself

1. the acne
2. the chubby fingers
3. my current lack of trombone stamina

Three Parts of Your Heritage

1. luxembourgish
2. polish
3. german

Three Things That Scare You

1. incompetence
2. undesired loneliness (sometimes i do like to be lonely)
3. levels in video games involving lava and jumping over it to avoid death

Three of Your Everyday Essentials (other than cellphone, wallet, keys)

1. burt's bees
2. orange juice
3. lots of sleep

Three Things You Are Wearing Right Now

1. blue shirt
2. burgundy bra
3. black underpants (good thing I was wearing exactly three things!)

Three of Your Favorite Bands or Musical Artists

1. Ani Difranco
2. Jeff Buckley
3. Chicago Symphony Orchestra

Three of Your Favorite Songs At The Moment

1. "Nervous Tick Motion of the Head to the Left"--Andrew Bird
2. Symphony No 5-- Prokofiev
3. "Portions for Foxes"--Rilo Kiley

Three Things You Want in a Relationship

1. humor (as in sharing mine)
2. understanding (as in not objecting to farts and boob sweat)
3. intelligence (as in, duh)

Two Truths and a Lie

1. I've never been a coffee drinker.
2. I enjoy a brisk run.
3. I was in a car accident on my way to prom.

Three Physical Things about People that Appeal to You

1. le rear end/lower back combination
2. hands hands hands
3. reasonably well-kept hair

Three of Your Favorite Hobbies

1. swimming
2. blogging
3. reading

Three Things You want to do really badly right now

1. unwatch the movie I just saw
2. and get rid of the headache it gave me
3. eat something delicious and filling

Three Places You Want to go on Vacation

1. Scotland and Ireland
2. Peru
3. Tibet

Three Kids Names You Like

1. Naomi
2. Alexander
3. Fishsticks McHappyBuns

Three Things You Want to Do Before You Die

1. find a cool town and stay there
2. work in a (feminist) bookstore
3. play in a professional brass quintet

Three Ways that you are stereotypically a chick (heh)

1. I pluck my eyebrows
2. I use girly-smelling shampoo
3. I enjoy using the boobs for manipulation on occasion

Three celeb crushes

1. Zooey Deschanel
2. Jon Stewart
3. Zach Braff

3 people I would like to see take this quiz

1. Jerry (change the second to last topic to "dude"?)
2. Bethany
3. Mikey (ditto)

Monday, June 20, 2005

famous people!

Saturday night, as I mentioned, Chuck and I went to a nearby Borders to get David Sedaris to sign his book so I could actually have a Mother's Day present for my mom instead of just thinking about how I really needed to get one of those. And preferably a Father's Day gift as well.

The line was practically out the door, and he started doing a reading before we got into viewing distance. So Chuck and I took turns going over to see/listen. He read a new story called "Turbulence," which was hilarious, of course, and a fable about cats and a babboon of which I could only hear parts. He answered some questions and talked about people defecating in Targets. The line started to move again (sort of). About ten people before we were supposed to meet him, the chai latte I was drinking decided to attempt a kamikaze mini-explosion mission that ended only when my shirt was effectively covered with eye-catching brown spots. Poor Chuck, he was watching out for it (I warned him!) and ended up with a large trail of chair right in the middle of his shirt.

Now, this is the kind of thing that normally happens to people and they freak out. "Oh my god! I'm meeting David Sedaris and I have chai on my shirt and I look like a slob and plus I'm having him autograph a book with a message about Mother's Day the day before Father's Day and I am a total freak! (maybe he'll write about me!)" But hey, I've read my Sedaris and I know that likely this is the kind of thing he feels is human comeday, and don't stress. It's happened to him. And worse! Didn't he just read a story about sneezing a throat lozenge onto a woman's pants in an airplane? It's all going to be okay!!!

Except that when we did go up to meet him, after a brief discussion about food and good places to eat in Dallas (Sevans! Sevans!), he was constantly glanced back at my chest. Sure, I was wearing a San Diego Zoo t-shirt, and after all, polar bears are cute, and sure, it augments my breasts in a nice fashion, but I have to be suspicious still. Alright funny gay man, I know you're looking at my chai stains. Get your own!!

At any rate, the title page of my mom's copy of Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim now says: "To Kathy, on Mother's Day (From your slow daughter), David Sedaris".

Saturday, June 18, 2005

news from this side

Hmm, what to blog about? I have felt vaguely uninteresting and slightly obnoxious about my blogging lately, because as if you'd like to hear more about cats...and how much Texas is the suck...well, whatever.

Sergei found a home, and Horatio's back at the shelter. He looked and acted so unhappy that he started pooping goo and throwing up food, which bothers me in the sort of "his sister Emma starting going that way too and now is dead" way. Plus he hated the kittens and spent most of his time hiding behind the toilet, despite our best efforts to coax him out and make him happy. Back at the shelter he seemed more relaxed. We'll see how it goes. Poor kitty.

If Horatio doesn't work out, we're going to keep Nicolai, even though Dmitri broke my heart the other day by finally being friendly and purr-tastic. In real, happy kitty style.

I looked at some places in Denton. The one I want has a pool!, is close to campus (walking distance), and is all around charming. Problems include: might need some roof repair, pool care is expensive, and we're not sure on average how much monthly expenses will be because the realty doesn't have that information. We're supposed to find out on Monday if the roof is in bad shape, but if it isn't, it's mine!!

I'm also supposed to talk about various things involvinig mortgages with a mortgage guy, but I have no idea what's going on. I'm putting that call off until I feel brave enough to handle financial mumbo-jumbo.

Other things I'm putting off: a haircut. I am seriously shaggy but again I am trapped in the dilemma of Dallas: where to get my hair cut that isn't ridiculously expensive or ethnic or offers a special on mullet-wear. Last time I went to the JC Penney salon, but I'm not up to spending another $30 on a haircut, no matter how nice it was. Chuck keeps reminding me that I missed my chance to go to my regular place in San Diego, and don't I know it. The curlies sweeping into my ears at any given moment, and the itchy neckline that makes falling asleep a distant dream are all too good of reminders.

Also, I've been living in a perpetual state of woozy and gross-throatiness for about two days now, but at least I don't really have to go anywhere. No one calls me ever to work at the pool, and I only teach on Tuesdays. So basically I'm living off of ten students, most of whom have actually paid me. Eh.

Two weeks and I'll be in Wisconsin!

Tonight Chuck and I are going to see David Sedaris give a reading/book signing!

Monday, June 13, 2005


Last night I fell asleep with an image hovering behind my eyes. It's the image I keep most close to my heart when I think of Madison, and Madison-happiness.

Basically, it's just two intersecting walls with a window on each, the windows framed with dark wood. Outside you can only see tree branches, and pieces of houses intermittent. There's a bookshelf in between at a diagonal, a stereo's warm blue light and lots and lots of friendly old books on its shelves. You can see the corner of the bed, with light blue sheets, and a plant at the top of the right window with twisting vines falling down to the sill. The only light, other than the stereo, is the fading light of the day from outside, and there's a spring breeze making the sheets rustle.

It's my bedroom in the Johnson house, and even if it wasn't perhaps as magical as I remember it, it was the kind of place I wanted to call my own. Someplace older and friendlier than a sterile apartment complex.

Heather Corinna put up some photos today of her place in the Cities, and it reminds me so much of the insides of houses in Madison I almost want to cry.

I'm going up to Denton today to look into buying a house. My dad and I have decided it'd be cheaper in the long run, and much nicer than being at the mercy of landlords and such. He wants a newer place, but I'm hoping there might be someplace with character and life, trees, windowsills, places for cats to cozy up on, plant hooks.

As if in time to the steady increase of dread I feel about visiting Madison (it's mixed with excitement, and happiness, of course), my ivy finally died after a few months of struggling. The ivy I bought with Emily when we randomly found the plant sale near the school of agriculture. The same plant that hangs down the window in my memory, lush and green.

I hate feeling trapped in my memories of Madison, because they always bring sadness. When I want to enjoy them, instead I feel as if I've left something precious behind that I'll never be able to retrieve. It's not healthy and I thought I'd beat it back into submission, but there's still a weak spot.

But maybe it's just the lack of a window in my apartment that truly provides me with something special to see.

Monday, June 06, 2005

meet the family!

Collect all five!

Seriously, folks...These three kittens need a home. I love 'em, Chuck loves 'em, but we just can't have five cats. So, those of you in the general vicinity of Dallas/Fort Worth, consider taking home a loving kitten or two or three (one not guaranteed to be loving)!

Also, this is for T & A.

Wednesday, June 01, 2005

the james p. audubon memorial bash

The last night of ITF 2005. We've just heard Delfayo Marsalis and Steve Turre give a hell of a jazz concert, and the general consensus is, there must be celebration. It's New Orleans, it's summer, the night is young.

As was a theme across the few days Chuck and I had been there, actually getting celebratory events starting required a little...let's put it tactifully...patience. Gabe wanted to go to Bourbon Street, and we were up for that but wanted to get drunk first so as not to spend too much money on drinks down there. Plus, taking the trolley was a pain and not reliable time-wise.

Eventually we ended up at a alcohol-vending Rite Aid and purchased: One bottle of Bacardi Limon, a 12 pack of Abita Amber, ice, Sprite, and a four piece tumbler set (green). In line to check out a nice man talked our ear off about his abusive band director from high school and wished us all the best in our drinking endeavors.

Returning to Loyola's campus we find, even though the hour is past midnight, the front desk of our dorm is still occupied by ID checking employees. This is trouble for Chuck and I, as we are mooching off Jason's room for the last evening. Entry requires a plastic ID similar to a credit card, and while Chuck has a convincing substitution, I do not. We settle for a study hall in Gabe's dorm instead. Promptly upon setting up shop in said room, we are interrupted by two housefellows warning us of the noise...and asking us if we weren't breaking curfew (see, a gaggle of high school quiz bowl participants had also descending on NOLA for the weekend, and we shared their dorm space).

Eventually we grew tired of restraining our natural inclination to rowdiness, and left Gabe's dorm for more noise-friendly climates. Beers were had outside of the dorms. The party was then moved, via various spots en route, to the park across the street.

Chuck and I participated in tree climbing, before doing another much-need beer run.

Our return from the store to the agreed meeting location (the playground) yielded no sign of Jason and Gabe. On the phone, Jason very mysteriously stated he was being pushed in a baby carriage around a fountain by Gabe. In the dark, finding a fountain you've never seen, and then coming upon it unawares, is quite a neat experience. This town has a sort of magic to it...even when you're somewhat drunk and hell-bent on chaos.

Jason and Gabe appear. We harrass the fountain a while longer, running in circles, manuevering each other in the carriage, being rambunctious. Gabe and I are talking on one of the benches when Jason and Chuck screech up in the carriage carrying a new prize: 200 x 3 ft of pink paper, rolled up and nicely placed for us in a protective cardboard box.

After that we hung out around the trolley stop for a while, drinking beer (out of bottles...illegal! but plastic's okay), lolling, etc. Gabe got on a trolley.

It being nearly 4 in the morning, we felt at this point it would be certain that the ID folks had left the dorm.

They had not.

Now we were not only two illegal people, but we were also in possesion of a baby carriage, a cooler, and 200 feet of pink paper. Drunk.

This might not have been the smartest plan, but somehow, it worked. I figured that me going up with one of the boys might cause suspicion, for while there were girls in our dorm, they weren't related to the trombone festival. So we agreed that Chuck and Jason should go up with the goods, nonchalantly, and toss the key down to me through the window.


I saw them through the door and then ran around to the window in question, waiting and hoping that they'd made it through the first barrier.

And then I see Jason's head, followed by Chuck's, peering over the window ledge. They make motions for me to get ready. I do so. The key falls, gracefully, down four stories and lands nearly at my feet in a perfect ten landing.

Going through the ID check, I swear I saw that one girl's eyebrows race about twenty feet. But she let me through.

Up in Jason's room it was just a question of wrapping up the night. Chuck did some damage to the Loyola septic system with some gastrointestinal acrobats, thereby failing his test to become a master of the Jedi Drinking Team. Jason and I agreed on our Jedi identities, sealing for all time our Wisconsin heritage into an inarguable package. We agreed James P. Audubon Memorial Bash, with patron goddess Miss Cleo, was a good summation of the events in question.

The next morning we rushed to get packed up before noon, checked out, and proceeded to stand in the parking lot for half an hour. We were dirty, hungover, and most of all entirely pleased with ourselves.

And all that remained was an 8 hour drive back to Dallas.