Saturday, March 30, 2002

**reminder to self**
never again agree to spend the last weekend of spring break with extended family in milwaukee.

Am in Brown Deer visiting aunt uncle and cousins...yes that's right i have a new cousin. His name is JJ (Jonathan Jarvis) and he's the coolest kid ever! Adopted, just turned a year old, he loves everyone and he's super happy. Exactly the opposite of Rebecca. That child gets worse every time I see her. And my time with JJ is limited because of her "Trouble Adjusting" to having a younger brother all of the sudden. Sigh. I definitely could have used today in Madison--practicing, working on my paper, spending time with my other JJ (hehe), keeping caught up on stuff--as it is i am going to struggle to keep up and still play a stellar recital this week. Well, that's life, I'll get it all done, and pretty soon the semester will be over! Oh I can't wait...And no more relatives!!

Thursday, March 28, 2002

slipping into a funk again--my mind feels ill. i don't feel particularily alive or happy, and i'm afraid of the future...of what? i don't know. i've done a lot of crying and i'm not even sure if i should be. i feel like a big emotional burden to jerry and myself, i spend so much time taking him for granted and then all of the sudden i have a serious 24 hours of crisis that something's going to happen, that i'm going to lose him. so i get all worked up. and then everything else comes crashing down on me. am i really cut out to be a musician? am i good to my friends and family? am i a good person all around? what the hell is wrong with me? i need a good night's sleep and a hug but i'm afraid the hug will only make me want to cry even more. i don't really want to go to milwaukee to see my family but i takes time off all the stuff i have to do next week that i could get ahead with. must suck it up and be worthwhile! i ask again, what the hell is wrong with me? why can't i be cheerful and happy, where did my calm buddha nature go? stop, thoughts, stop tormenting me!!!

Tuesday, March 26, 2002

well, my short vacation is over but i had a great time and now it is back to work! no school yet for a few days but still there is practicing and my renaissance paper...ah, it never ends. i can't mope about it though; it must be done. so, i am off to return my horn to humanities and practice a little bit!

Friday, March 22, 2002

I am infinitely excited to be getting out of town for a few days! Jerry and I are headed to the Windy City tomorrow so he can go see a show in the Modern Institute of Art. We're staying at the Murphy's place, which means a great big house all to ourselves...I can't wait to go because I am tired of being here and tired of school and winter weather (not that the weather will be any better there, but at least it's winter weather in a different setting). And after break, the days will fly by and then it will be summer again! Hurray for glorious summer, my favorite season. All I want to have to focus on is playing trombone and going to work. And then I can fill the rest of my time with bike rides and frisbee and friends, parties, games, trips to the park, falling asleep outside....and on and on :) I have summer fever something awful right now. I hate winter coats and hats (although I do like my scarf hehe) and I like shorts and sandals and tshirts. Can you tell I'm a CA girl through and through? All I need is the sun warming my bones, and everything will be absolutely groovy. Oh Summer, I pay thee Homage...please speed thy glorious self hither, and soon!

oh yes, i need a vacation :)

Saturday, March 16, 2002

Bethany's webpage is now listed at left! Hurray!

Patty's Day party at Jason's tonight. and oh yeah--

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MEGAN!!!!!!!!!! (one day early)

Friday, March 15, 2002

I would like to take this opportunity to wish Buddha Stew a VERY HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!
Yes, that's right folks, the Stew is one year old today, the ides of march.
I wish I could make more of a production out of it (ie famous quotes, best blogs, etc), but I am just too busy and too tired. If I can make it through this next week alive I will be a lucky lucky girl. :)

Tuesday, March 12, 2002

i don't particularily want to deal with brass quintet tonight. i know there is going to be anger, and misunderstanding, and things might not go very well. i am hoping that everyone (namely chris and davis) will keep their tempers and we can put the past week behind us, move on, and be a strong performing ensemble. this is my hope--not necessarily what will happen, i suppose. i know that there is a lot i can do to keep things smooth, and i know that this is my duty since in many ways i only aggravated a situation that was starting to heal over.
the situation as it stands is: rehearsal (and coaching) was cancelled last wednesday night because miah had an emergency and needed Chris to travel with him. now, granted we hadn't had coaching on monday because of the trumpet masterclass, but this is acceptable, someone was in need and chris stepped up to help. The problem was he didn't notify us. He told Mike, and Stevens, but not Davis Sean or I. The three of us and John show up for coaching, and no Mike or Chris. John told us to rehearse anyway, so we did, got some work done, and called it a night. Despite this I felt like we needed to schedule another rehearsal, pronto, some talk was tossed around about friday early evening, never went through, so we waited til saturday night to schedule a rehearsal for sunday night. circumstances in this instance were kind of rare--i had an inservice til 9 and mikey had to work til 10. so we couldn't pull it off. I went to the inservice, came home, and got the message via Davis around 10 that Chris wanted to rehearse at 7:30 the next morning. Now, I have said before that I am prepared to dedicate a lot of time to this quintet, but 7:30 makes me cringe. This is the part where I'm not sure whether I should feel selfish or justified: 7:30 am is early, but being there at 7:30 means you have to get up at least by 6:45 to be ready/well-adjusted for the rest of the day. If you want to warm-up before, well, add another hour earlier to that. Getting the message at 10 meant I wouldn't get enough sleep and thereby the rest of my day would be a trial---and on Mondays I have a lot of day to get through. I also am thinking about my recital, and how it takes precedence over lots of things. If I'm crabby on Monday, I won't practice well Monday night, the rest of my week will be off in terms of sleep, and there is the potential of getting sick. I'm not being a hypochondriac, or overly anxious, I'm just conscious that I have to take care of my body for the next month to insure that I am in best possible health for my recital. I know that one 7:30 am rehearsal will not harm this. but here's the other side of the coin: don't make me get up at 6:30 on a monday morning just because you don't think you can get your head out of your ass for a coaching. If you are unsure about your notes, practice them. if you can't count your part, put a metronome with it. welcome the real world--one rehearsal, one concert. bam. that's all you get. now i understand that i have often ranted about being prepared for meetings with john, and it's not like i am a stellar first class musician who can read her music down without error. but at some point we have to take responsibility for our own playing and make it work. calling an early am rehearsal, in my opinion, will not solve anything.

so, am i right or am i just being pig-headed? in a way this was an exercise to get my thoughts organized before BQ. in another way i suppose i should have just agreed to the early rehearsal and we'd be done with it. i'd be tired, but i'd survive. to a certain degree i owe the quintet an apology. we can't be so stubborn in life that we never see eye to eye. chris owes davis an apology, davis owes chris an apology. i am hoping that this is quick and easy and we can put it behind us and start playing music and being good friends again, because those are the two most important things.

Friday, March 08, 2002

Another week that sped by! But this one is alright, because I finally have a pianist for my recital, and things are good. so no worries. i have to work a lot--but that is good because i have to pay off my debts (bass trombone) and be able to fund my recital (lots of money to show off these days)'s all good good good.
our toilet is backed up which is a big shit (literally and figuratively) because i have to use it very badly, so i am sitting here waiting for jerry to call back so i can go to his place and use his bathroom. sad, isn't it? ah well. well, it would be a good night to go out and party or do some sociable things, but i think i will be equally content with just watching a movie. hm. well, we'll see. :)