this week went friggin fast. and this isn't just a "wow, i can't believe how fast this week went" sort of thing. i'm feeling like i stepped into some sort of time continuum in which i couldn't feel the passage of days and then stepped out and all of the sudden it was thursday night. i mean, posting on sunday seems like i did it yesterday. and it's not like things haven't been happening this week that would make it slower or more memorable. i had a concert on tuesday, steve mead was here wowing us all with his euphonium genius...it's crazy but it makes my head spin. i'm feeling better---my stomach is still upset a bit but not so much as the past couple of days. now, my head hurts because i don't really know what's going on with jerry and i want to--but he's been awfully pensive and i'm worried. i don't know if he wants to hang tonight or not but either way he needs to let me know what's going through his head so i can relax, so we both can relax and enjoy each other's company again. today also i felt like a raving grocery/housecleaning bitch and i didn't mean to be, so i'm sorry davis. everything is frustrating me right now and it is coming out in small stupid things. on a good note my high range is much improved today. but that's about it. i'm tired and i'd like a hug and a smile from jerry just so i know that everything's going to be swell.

weird sort of sick day. i felt really dizzy for a long time and now my stomach hurts. but it's also hungry, bleh.

spring break plans have finalized! Jerry and I (and possibly Grant and Emily) are going to Chicago for a few days to see the sights (jerry has to go to an art show for one of his classes) and relax. We're staying at the Murphy's place, and even though they aren't going to be in town they are letting us use their house. They rock! And Jerry's getting his car from home for the week,so we are all set! Looking forward to it, although not too much because my recital is the weekend after and I don't feel at all prepared for that to happen. yargh. We shall see.

I was supposed to call Megan tonight but I couldn't find her number :( Argh life. So now I am online trying to get ahead (or at least caught up) in all my email sending and scholarship ap stuff. Fun fun fun. I think I should attempt to catch up on buddhism reading too. And I should get up early too, so I can run some errands and still practice. yikes. What am I still doing online? :)

Finally changed my quote to the left. Thought it was about time. Do enjoy---Becker had some great things to say today at work, and that was one of them. hehehe

Lorn feels special. This is my answer to worry. Feel special about something spectacular.

I am coming to realize (in both music history and everyday life) that people like to give titles to things in order to categorize them, to make them simpler and to be able to deal with things in black and white. But this isn't how the world works! Just about everything occurs in shades of gray. Lines are crossed one way and not another, or in both directions, or not at all. What's true for one person isn't necessarily true for another, but in order to talk about things with each other, we have to create some conventional standards. For understanding. You can't put limits on life.

I had the craziest dream last night. Disneyland had turned M.C. Escher and everything was wild. The park was on four spinning disks--but get this, the disks were finite to the top and bottom but ran infinitely in either direction side to side. So, there was a long path that cut the circle in half, and this never ended. more Paths went in other directions. I was there with Jessie and Natalie (of course) and we were on the "D" disk, which was sponsored by Donald or something. Anyway, from there it just turned into a scene from a Piers Anthony novel. We walked along the long path and it went over rivers and valleys and at one point, a beach volleyball game. And then we realized we had to get back so we followed this path that led back to the castle. There were more weird bits to the dream, but I thought the idea of an "infinite Disneyland" was pretty cool.
In the beginning of the dream (before it morphed into disneyland weirdness) I was a semi-blind girl who had been abandoned by her mother in a mall, and I was eventually adopted into some school for orphaned children. Anyway, I was apparently the heroine (or one of them) of a book, called "Three Cinderellas," because I went through this formulaic search for meaning, beginning with the discovery that I could actually see clearly if I tried, apparently I had a disease that made my eyes stay half closed all the time but I could fight it and I did. And then I went to the library to research who my mom was so I could find her and tell her I loved her or something. There was a weird scene involving a bandaid and a locker room shower, but I don't think I can clarify that enough to put it down. So, lesson learned here? Too much wine last night--;)

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY

My week has gotten better as of 4:30 this afternoon. We have officially found a place to live next fall. it is ours, we are guaranteed it. it is a bit far (413 E Johnson) but it is close to James Madison Park and Pinkus McBride and on the bus line. Four bedrooms, bathtub (!!!), hardwood floors, two balconies..it's all good now. The landlord rocks. he's super cool. My stress level has just decreased by 100 points.

Also I got flowers today! They are very pretty and they smell excellent (they are right by my puter so i am smelling their sweet fragrance as i type) and they were a surprise! Jerry and I are moving our V-day celebratories to Saturday because we are both booked tonight. So, at the risk of sounding mushy or sickeningly happy, i shall stop there.

any other news? just waiting for saturday because i don't have to work and that means lying in bed and not having to worry about things. aahhhh weekends, bless thy magnificent school-lessness.

water polo tonight! kick ass. I took some hits to the face but represented, getting better at this whole fuzzy-vision contact sport thing.

had a crazy dream with megan in it the other night, but i can't remember enough of it to put it down. tomorrow going to look at a place which will hopefully suit our needs for next fall...i'm sick of looking! so here's hoping.

no other news (is good news). must sleep!

I feel like there hasn't been anything terribly interesting to write about lately. just me, my schoolwork, jerry, my trombones, sleeping. no big entertaining gettogethers (although the lounge experience on tuesday was excellent and quite on par with the terry/jamey/ian days...ian! i miss him being around the SOM) or parties or anything. jerry made me dinner last saturday, and we each drank a bottle of wine, which was quite amusing...he passed out not long after (because he's a lightweight, ha ha! :). It was rather an excellent evening. went to the hockey game the day before with mikey, emily and chris, and that was a good good time as well.

megan, on the subject of people missing you, i do too! and i miss tara. i like reading your blogs because it brings me nearer to you, but it makes me sad too, because it's not close enough. i hope you guys can come and visit me soon (dci finals, tara?) because i had fun in davis and now it's your turn! hehe. anyway, you guys are doing exciting things and me, it's just my same-old life, practice practice practice. working at the nat is still tons of fun...although i don't have any shifts with anna amy or ryan, and arwen's in england, so that's a little sad. but i do get to work with becker (who rocks: becker quote of the week--"girls are trouble") and kate and matt and becky, so it's all good. the nat is a refreshing place to be for me, not only because the people rock but because it gives me another dimension outside of music. and i need that. i love the community the music school has given me but it feels like my connections in it are getting smaller, that we're not socializing as much--i guess that goes back to the whole "no parties" thing. there just aren't very many. and I can see why. 323 1/2 is long past, ian and bj are student teaching, and no one else seems to want to make the effort...although jason mentioned he was thinking about it. and we are definitely a party place...good times here all around, but we're ass-poor collectively and don't have enough to supply alcohol. it would have to be a strongly assured BYOB. Hmm...scares me a bit. Maybe I should start stocking up. yargh.

well, good enough ramble for now. i'm going to go dig up some food and sit around and wait for something neat to happen. cheers!

Joe Alessi fricking rocks!!!!!!!!!!