sigh---i wish i didn't have to go back to school quite yet. It looks as though there won't be time for a bonfire before I go back. Mike is going to Cancun tomorrow, for a week, so I'll be gone when he gets back, and all the hs kids are still in school. I went to RB's wind ensemble concert last night (or at least the last half..in my mad dash from CPR class in El Cajon to the Center in Escondido I was an hour and a half late...somehow i made the trip, which should take about 45 minutes, in 30. No, I wasn't going 85 the whole time...heheh)...it was awesome. I heard Brian play...that kid just blows me away (and almost literally, too)...he is an amazing amazing musician. They also played the third dance from On the Town, which made me happy because I love that music (and i get to play it this summer too). All in all they sounded great. It's a good hall for them--I wish we'd have played our senior concerts there before. Ah well.
Today is snorkling at the cove day...Mike Katie Adam and I are going. Abby is spending a few days with her relatives. Which reminds me, I must clean out some of the snorkling equipment. And find a swimsuit that's going to hold up to climbing over rocks and diving into deeper water (tuesday's beach episode proved that my new swimsuit is pretty but not very hardy when it comes to physical exertion. Another reason why I've always been devoted to competition suits). Anyhoo, as soon as Ahh-dam calls me back we're on our way. It might be a good idea to get dressed and take care of my chores first (oops).
Sunday-Disneyland!

Well! long time no post. Lots of things to see and do, eh? We went to the beach today, and it was....awesome. I love the beach. the sky was blue, it was warm, I fell asleep on soft comfy sand, we swam and caught waves, it was great. I got a little bit of sun, but not too bad. New swimsuit lines and that's about it. Needless to say not much else is going on. I always feel as though all drama gets put on hold when I come back to CA...and starts right back up again at college. I suppose this makes sense. Still, I wish there would be some drama at home. Liven things up a bit. My drama will start up again the next time Ryan calls me about a show his band is doing. Sigh. I've completely given into the drama. Sometimes....it's fun. ;)

tiiired...forgotten the wearing-out being a tour guide entails. argh

shimmy-shimmy cocoa pop, shimmy-shimmy pop!
hmm, don't know where that came from. anyhoo, i'm up way too early for a summer day. my mom fooled me this morning--she said (at 7:45) that she wanted to get going in fifteen minutes, so could i please get out bed to drive her? So I did. And then, at 8:05, she says, oh, we don't have to go until 8:30, I just didn't think you'd be ready so fast! Humph. a half an hour more of sleep, and such great dreams, too! sigh. But, I'm up, I have new contacts (my left eye is rebelling), and I'm hungry and just trying to pass the hours until I can go pick Abby up! Maybe I'll take a nap...mmmm, nap.

I'd really like to just talk to someone right now. I forget how lonely it is at home--because you don't have roomates. At least, I don't. That's one time only-childness has failed me. And calling friends up at quarter to 11 on a weeknight is different at home...sleeping parents and politeness tactics to bother with and all.

I'm kind of nervous about something. I don't know if I should discuss it. It's not really nerves...well, just a sort of misplaced anxiety. I'm not even entirely aware what it's all about. Silly me. That's another thing, about being at home. I have too much time on my hands to think and pester myself with weird pits in the bottom of my proverbial stomach.

I'm going to go do something I shouldn't really do...but screw common sense, I have to look something up and remember what it's like. Cryptic enough? probably.

Abby tomorrow! Hurray!
I'm still on the getting-job-and-gig-in-a-two-hour-span high. He needs help finding other reliable players, too, and so that should be fun...of course, my roomates would love to do it (hint hint) since he needs two horns and 3 violinists (although emily can only be one ;), oh yeah, and a cellist (alex?), bassist (i don't know ross that well but davis does...), and other assorted players. But! Of course no one really cares, not when they're off to Spain or not even school friends...sigh.

mm. mike is home tonight...i'll see him tomorrow. i must call adam-he'll know when marsha is done, too. and jon and eugene. and mary, and jennii comes home wednesday. jessie warned me not to call her until she's officially off the mouth-surgery drugs. dan and nat still have school but that's ok, there's time. i miss the davis kids: megan, tara, sarah...and jeffbarr isn't home for a while either. well, my apologies but i'm using my blog as a tally for who's home and who's not...

there's a daria marathon on tonight...and i'm going to watch it. toodles.

WOOOHOOO!!

What an exciting morning. It's not even noon yet and things are happening!!! My mom woke me up at 8 to take her to work, after which I promptly went back to bed for another hour...and then another half an hour, from which I was woken by my phone ringing (it was one of those surreal moments where you're not really sure what's going on and the phone seems like just another part of a dream). The person on the other end of the phone was the person from the City of Madison---I got the lifeguarding job! Hurray! I'm missing all the training sessions, but I have to make them up when I get back. No problem. Next stop, checking my email (since I've been cruelly forced out of bed twice, a third time falling asleep might be ill-fated). Bonnie Abrams sent me a note about a swimming instructor job she found in the paper and----her son is conducting a musical this summer and needs trombonists. What's the musical? Ah. Ahem. Oooooh. Guess. It's my favorite ever. It surpasses all musicals and then some, and not just because Frank was in the movie version. It made me dance about with joy the first time I saw it. It made me dance about, again with joy, this time mixed with pleasant surprise and excitement, when I saw those three fateful words in Bonnie's email. You have several hints. Guess. oh...what the hell. ON THE TOWN!!!!!!! Hurray! Hurray!
Needless to say, I emailed him right away. Another cool part is that he needs another 'bonist...and there are a lot of us crazy kids in town this summer. Collin, Erin, Emily, Beatriz, Jason, Sean....what fun if any of them were to do it! (i have my reasons for wanting a particular one...but the reason is very secret and must not be mentioned...)

alright..enough babbling about bernstein. i need to take a shower. (phew-ie!)

dan and nat'ly, i think, are probably my two favorite people in the universe. that is, if i had to choose, and i hope i never do because it would be a very tough decision. but those two are topping the list. it's sort of hard to explain why...but if you hang out with them, you'd know immediately. they're crazy. tonight i surprised dan at drum corps and then we went to mission bay park to kick a soccer ball around. then we ended up wrestling, and other general mayhem. and then going to mikey's (a local coffee shop) to see some friends (one of them being my exboyfriend, dave, which couldn't help but be extremely awkward but we did our best and he was admirable in his attempts to say only what he needed to say to me), and chill. dan and natalie are the best. huzzah for them!

i think a little cable-television watching is in order. this opportunity so rarely presents itself to me, i must take every advantage i have. everyone going to spain....have fun and take lots of pictures and don't forget about me (you have my address, fools!). sniff! eat paella and befriend sexy spaniards!

hmm...i got one of those email crush things today. those things bug me for several reasons:
1)it equates with an email forward
2)it makes me all nervous that someone likes me-good nervous, but of the kind that makes me not want to think about anything else
3)i start thinking of people i want to like me, and none of them probably do or would put my name down
4)i try to do it as a joke but then i realize that some of the people i put down might take it seriously and shit will go down
5)yuck. ok, fess up! who sent me the email? hehe...i don't really care, it just makes me all weird again inside, i don't need that.

anyway, my mom and i rifled through her old record collection last night. i made a couple good finds..i wish our turntable wasn't broken. some good ones: two beatles albums, sgt pepper's and revolver; a stan getz recording with count basie; dave brubeck, time out; lots of santana (including abraxas); crosby, stills and nash (and that other dude ;); lots of beach boys; the american graffitti soundtrack--lots more too. my mom apparently had a thing for harry belafonte. it's comforting to know that at one point my parents had excellent musical taste, although i must say it's declined a little over the years (my mom's a big fan of amy grant now..no offence to any amy grant enthusiasts, and my dad listens to nothing but golden oldies). Also, we uncovered the entire beatles album collection, put on tape by my uncle paul for my parents...but they never listen to it, so i'm stealing it from them. If only it were on cds...paul worked out this crazily complicated system of fitting all the albums onto just 7 tapes...so you have to do a bit of switching around if you want to listen to an entire album. nevertheless, a good find!

hmm...get to see dan and natalie today! natalie is picking me up at five and we're going to meet dan at drum corps rehearsal. hurray! the ultimate in schmuness. speaking of, i do hope abby calls me tomorrow so i can pick her up from the airport. that'd be neet.

i'd like to see phat phunktion again...that was one of the most fun tuesday nights i've ever had...and plus, a random person told me i was a good dancer (not a boy, unfortunately, but still appreciated). the reason i bring this up is that i'm listening to Tower of Power's funky rhythms and it makes me want to dance. not with my parents in the house though.

what a weird, do nothing day. i got out of bed at noon (i woke up at eleven but i read for awhile), went to lunch (mm...oscar's) with my mummy, helped her plant one of the back gardens (i picked out the flowers: snapdragons, a weird strain of daisy that's bright orange, delphiniums, and cosmos) and got some ideas and advice for making my own garden back in madison. I want sunflowers...i love sunflowers. they're so ridiculously huge.

my train of thought for the day: it seems to me like everyone i meet and care about in the world is undeniably special and cool. part of my self-esteem issue lies in trying to live up to all this coolness in myself...and part of my jealousy problem extends into the fact that i hate to think or hear anything bad about any of the supercool people. if you're reading this and wondering, don't worry, my ratio of who's cool and who's not to me is high in favor of the cool. cool is one of those terms...it limits me, it makes me feel sort of illiterate or something. you know, vernacular in a sense. but there's nothing wrong with that. i just wish words would more readily express themselves to me. here we go now, i started out this paragraph with the intention of exploring my feelings for the human race and ended up in linguistics. bah. nevermind.

no one updates their websites anymore. c'mon, people, keep me updated! i know i have nothing better to do ...neither should you. hehe...i'm kidding of course. but a little internet-lonely. i think i just need to get out more. yeah, that's it. i'm so tired i'm saying dumb things. it's time to sleep (and sleep in late!).

"dear prudence....won't you open up your eyes?"

i'm feeling the urge to go on a cd buying spree. here's what i want to get:
if i can find it, simon and garfunkel's concert in central park
cake's first cd
a tower of power cd with so very hard to go and what is hip? or la suerte de los tontos on it.
mussorkgy's pictures at an exhibition
some more beatles. you can never have enough.

we see how it works out. it's a beautiful day in san diego...mild, sunny, blue skies and lots of promise. what shall i do today? i ought to practice, but we'll see how that ends up working out. what's marvelous is that i don't have to worry about doing any projects for school-type things. that is the most exciting and wonderful feeling ever. hurray for me!

i was thinking awhile back that'd it be awesome to have a school of music baby photo contest. or, to be less complicated, do it between sai and the phi mu boys. maybe i'll make that one of my projects for the fall. along with the whole vp membership deal. when i talked to bonnie on wednesday she said she'd like to see sai get more organized and less apathetic to volunteering and easier to work with. i'll pass that on.

obladi, oblada life goes on...bra
la la how the life goes on

coolness: just hung out with katie and danny. talked about band, mr. cole, college, and partying...
feeling better about that whole conversation with hans about ryan...geez, i hate that question, 'How's your love-life?' hehe...no offense dear, you needed updating. sadly enough i don't really have a love-life, so the answer to that question is always a little dim and uninteresting. katie said: 'you're the one person i know who's truly deserving of a really good man.' hmm. well, if that's true, i'm waiting! start lining up at my door, really good men! listen to me, i sound like i'm bridget jones, thirty-something and desperate to find a functional relationship. a non-functional relationship would work alright for me now, just to keep the ol' self-esteem at a reasonably acceptable level. I know i'm bitching. I'll stop. I know all the old mantras about love and relationships, but i don't care to hear them. if you want to give me advice, send me chocolate. chocolate inspires great things.

well, jetlag has caught up to me, time to go to bed. smooches everything, sleep tight. :) and keep sending in those prospective cow names.

i forgot to mention: you can send your cow name requests by email (llamagrl99@hotmail.com), IM (Llama721) or just tell me in person.

One suggestion: Norman (after the cow in City Slickers) contributed by Davis

Well, I'm alive!! The least complicated flying I've done in a while. Usually something disastrous transpires and I'm stuck in Chicago ready to spit. But surprisingly, all went smoothly.

I bought this keychain that made me nearly break into hysterics in the middle of the Dane County airport giftshop. It's this cow with big saucer-dish eyes and when you squeeze it, a brown goo-like substance protrudes from its bottom. It's a pooping cow. A POOPING cow. How hilarious is that? It POOPS. hehehehe. I gave it to my dad. He laughed a little. My mom thought it was the best thing ever. Just goes to show you...when you think you know your parents, they turn around and surprise you. Anyway, The Pooping Cow needs a name. So, this is your challenge, faithful Buddha Stew enthusiasts, name the cow!!! Put those mighty brains to work. The Pooping Cow desperatedly needs a Christian (or not so much) name. Go to it!

Results will be posted as received.

i will be home in 24 hours!

here's what i have accomplished!

finished the final
turned in the bass
packed music
turned in aps
went to uhs, scheduled an appt and got prescription

practicing will come later, as will packing and sleeping. otherwise, i'm pretty proud of myself. I talked to Bonnie Abrams for a while too, we had a good conversation. I love her...she is the best undergrad advisor ever!! hehe. ANYway..it's time for supper.

This is wonderful....i get to spend three weeks doing absolutely nothing of importance in the most beautiful city in the world. how good do i feel?

Things to do today:

Finish buddhism final and turn it in!
Visit Rick at Music Hall
Renew my locker/practice rooms
Turn in the bass trombone
Practice
Pack music to take home
Figure out a way to fix trombone case so it doesn't fall apart on the airplane
Turn in other lifeguard aps
Find camera
Pack for home!
Find plane ticket (oops)
Sleep

edit your blog: Buddha Stew

and now i've found a neat thing that lets me post from anywhere. well, today is just an evening of fun-filled web discovery. oh yeah. oh hell yeah

Alright!! I just added a whole bunch of links, and inflated my pride a little because i figured it out all by myself. Davis gave me help, a while back, I just had to put the pieces together. So, go forth and visit my linked sites! I will add any you think would be necessary to the advancement of this site. Next step, pictures. hmm.

Mikey's website: www.sit.wisc.edu/~mrzens/

i think that's right. i haven't tried it out yet.
Anyway, its a hot humid day and i'm all done with timed finals!! now i just have to sit down and focus on buddhism. actually, it shouldn't be too bad. i'll get it done tomorrow morning. I have my interview for the lifeguarding job....fingers crossed. I guess tomorrow will also be my day to accomplish everything else i've left for the last minute. ah yes, the call of having fun is far more powerful when you think you've got all the time in the world. ah well. neat. one more day and then i'm going home!! HURRAY!

ahhhh...blogger is working again and i can post. ironically, all that i wanted to say earlier is now forgotten and besides, i should be working on my buddhism final (i plan on getting at least a third of it done today) so i can make my goal and go outside or practice or do something besides sit in the house and try to comprehend eastern thought. hm. well, back to work.

Something wonderful to make me less sad about not doing so well on my lifeguard test this morning is:

I NEVER HAVE TO PLAY PIANO IN A CLASS SITUATION EVER AGAIN

yippee. Now I can go on and do great things with my primary instrument. hell yeah. boom baby, boom.

I made a horrible mistake in my last posting. i will now change it. enjoy the great weather!

well, it's 9 am and I've been up for two and a half hours. The paper is half done and progressing nicely (i'm just taking a little mind/breakfast break). I intended to wake up at 8 (a little simple math here will deduce that i really woke up at 6:30...we shall continue the discussion of my awakeness in terms of what I thought at the time), did so, and promptly went back to sleep for another half hour. My bleary nearsighted eyes discerned (word of the day, i've used it about 80 times in my paper so far) that it was 8:35, so I groaned a little and wished I was still asleep, but I kicked my self-motivation sensors into gear and gave my lazy side a stern talking-to. I enjoyed the sounds of the morning for a while (i think the only reason I woke up at that point was the chirping of birds outside the window), which were very soothing with little to no people sounds whatsoever. I felt like I was at summer camp, or someplace similarily remote in which they wake you up at odd hours of the morning. Eventually (about ten minutes later) I got out of bed and showered, came back, and started wrting. I was just about finished with my second page when I looked at the clock. And blinked. I looked at a different clock. It told me the same information. And so did the clock by my bed. My estimation of the hour was somewhere around 9:30 or even ten, but it was not so. It was 7:30. As I said earlier, my limited vision told me it was later that it was...a 6 can easily be construed as an 8 when transferred to my brain by my horrible eyesight. Nevertheless, I'm glad that I did get up, had a chance to enjoy the sounds of the morning (mind you, i wouldn't have enjoyed it so much had i not been alone--it's the same thing as that fateful beach bonfire last summer at which I spent the morning hours (from 6 to 11) camped out by a pit watching the world wake up...the best early morning experience I've ever had and it's completely mine)....and it's not even 9:30 yet. I'll be done before I know it (my break ends at 9:30, hopefully I will be entirely completed by noon).

Ah yes. I was trying to remember what made the Evening of "Pete" pop to my head, and now I do but I guess it's not really necessary anymore. Sometimes I start writing stuff ahead of time mentally, and by the time I've sat down to actually write it, only choice phrases remain, not the whole (which, no doubt, was a work of compositional genius ;). Hehe...I still enjoy the memories of that night immensely. Jason being protective (and me wishing for all the world that things were not as they indeed are..a story within itself)...Jeff the Mountaineer (from whom my waterbottle takes his name) and his giant dolphin sighting (there was also that ponderous conversation, punctuated by hand gestures-- "euphonium?" "bass trombone!")..."I think his name's 'Pete?'"..."he's too dorky to be a Mark"...all this from an evening that at first glance seemed like it was just going to be another party in which I stood in the corner and tried to look like an interesting individual. I know hardly any of this means anything to anyone but Davis...but she'll enjoy it, I'm sure. Basically it's just a chance for me to procrastinate a little more. Any interested parties who want the full story I can promise will be highly amused. It's a good story.

well, i wish i didn't have to get back to paper-writing, but i must. nose to the grindstone, back to work.

how many mosquito bites do i have? let's count them (they are all on my legs, weird!)....one, two, three....all the way up to...fourteen. yikes! and they itch like mad. ah well.

time to get cracking on buddhism. here's the deal..i'm going to take a nap, and get started by three (3) pm. Otherwise, I'll have to kick my ass into gear. I must get this done. Once it's done...everything else is a piece of cake. So, no more flappy-flappy! i must now go into seclusion for the next twentyfour hours. i'll leave updates as things progress. don't try to call me or anything because distraction has already cost me five days of work (hehe, like i'd have done any anyway). sleep tight, ya morons.

wooooiee. this year takes last year on the amount of crap i got kicked out of me at the annual tuba/euph-trombone softball game. not the softball. the basketball, man. three games of highly violent and extremely hilarious bball. Collin and I make a kickass team...we showed Griff and Sean a thing or two (hehe)...although later having Griffin on my team meant getting pegged in the eye once or twice (the one time i saw flashes of light just before I blacked out for the next two seconds)...basketball in the near dark is infinitely more dangerous than frisbees out of nowhere on the beach, but at least brass players know not to aim for the mouth (ahem). I had some game, I'm proud of myself. Now, gotta do it more often. The softball game was alright...IMO we were the better team, they just had the hitters. Couldn't beat us in the outfield though. I'm not sure I have the mad third base skills that apparently qualified me for the position...but ah well, didn't get much chance to make a fool of myself.

Something I love is just being out with guys and being totally aggressive and physical...just being "one of the guys." i always feel like as a girl i have to hold my own on the athletic track. It's not an excuse, just a challenge..i get a huge charge overcoming it. being so called "girly" is not my gig---although i far from claim that it's a bad thing, just that it's way more fun to play the game than to watch it. it gets into whole issues of feminism (and feminazism to coin a phrase my father uses)- whether to be feminine and proud of it or try to make being a woman more like being a guy. Honestly, I don't think the latter is the best policy, but on the other hand "feminine" has connotations of standing on the sidelines and looking pretty. I'm not pretty and I don't like watching things go on around me without my interaction. Story of my life...if i'm not involved in something i feel like it diminishes my importance. this causes trouble when things get super hectic and crazy. I'm tuning down this urge though, trying to realize that not everything needs me to contribute. It's more of a self-esteem thing than anything. me looking for my sort of spotlight which is really just a little more off to the side than in the center of everything. Not sure how much sense that makes, but oh well.

hello to hans. and yes, when i say basketball, i mean basketball...no innuendos at all mister!

wow. i've never been at the library when it was closing. chalk it up to my list of late night college experiences that i'm slowly gaining (due to my inability to stay up and be productive past 1:30), well behind the rest of the sophomore population. hurrah. way to go lorn. nevertheless, i acheived some semblance of accomplishment and mananged to check out two more books (bringing my total to 7 books on various methods of christian and buddhist monasticism) which will probably tell me infinitely less than i need to know for my paper. hmm. alright. bedtime.

Well, not so sick. Good! Tomorrow is the big softball game and I'm psyched...except, oh wait, I suck at softball. Oh well, it'll be a fun time. My arm is a little sore from the training sessions (ie, playing catch) of yesterday and today. Along with various other parts of my body that have been pegged by the ball...courtesy of my inability to catch things when they are hurled toward me at menacingly fast speeds.

A sad thing today: there will be no more buddhism lectures because there has been a death in my professor's family... :( i didn't go on thursday because i didn't feel well, so basically i've missed out on three days of prof dunne's infinite wisdom. he is by far one of the best teachers i've ever had. i'll have to take some more classes with him if i can. and now...on to the paper which i probably should have begun work on much earlier, but, procrastination and i get along far too well (we've been going steady for almost 20 years) so i'll be doing it thursday night and friday morning, i'm sure. (it's due at five on friday) Off tonight to do some more research and hopefully find something that will at least get me pointed in the right direction. arrgh.

only 9 more days and everything is done...i'll be winging my way back to sunny san diego for some R&R and happy beach dwelling! hurray! if there's anything i miss, it's the beach. I just have to make it through the weekend: Friday my paper is due, Saturday i have the water testout for the lifeguarding job i've applied for, AND my piano jury, Sunday is the music history final (and afterwards, a BBQ!) Tuesday is theory final, thursday i go home! after sunday it'll all be wonderful and stress free. i could give a crap about theory and music history should be no problem whatsoever. I think the best way to handle to stress is to look beyond it (not forget about it) and picture yourself being done with all the other crap so that you're already in that relaxed and happy mindset. Therefore, I've already turned in my buddhism paper, and actually writing it will be no sweat. Hmm. I just have to keep telling myself this. :)

i'd better feel not sick tomorrow, dammit, or someone (namely my sinuses (sinusi?)) is going to be hearing from me. arrrgh.

i guess i can't claim to have any sort of attractiveness to offer the opposite sex. but never mind, i can't even rant and whine here, i do it too much. needless to say, i'm lonely again and for stupid reasons but perhaps still valid, in a way. i dunno. it's time for me to sleep and hope i have a voice in the morning. g'night.

blogger has a way of destroying the truly sublime. first, davis' brahms post, and now, my feelings about good books, one in particular. i took the time to type out a whole long quote..but now i guess you'll all have to go read the book to find out why i'm all sniffly and content this morning. (afternoon?) So, if you haven't already, take the time to read the book Watership Down, by Richard Adams.

you know, it's ironic: the sicker you are, the more you just want a big hug and someone to serve you chicken soup, but you're sick, so no one really wants to hug you and get sick too. this is really depressing. i'm having some of my favorite music student personal issues too, on account of my lesson earlier. i don't know if i really want to talk about them. i think i'll go back to bed.

it's so hot!!! arrgh. humid, mostly. what a pain in the ass. this state can't decide whether it wants to be cold or hot, but it doesn't even consider inbetween. give me good ol san diego weather, that never changes. ;)
i was thinking that i haven't sat down and written anything particularily in depth lately..mostly because of tiredness but also because not much has been going on in my head...just the usually school stress and that's boring to talk about. emotional issues have died down, which is a good thing for the time being. maybe now is a good time for that nap i meant to take yesterday.....

all i want to do is take a nap but there is still stuff to be done! argh, life. two papers down, one to go (but it's the equivalent of two, if you consider the work that goes into researching it and the fact that it's twice as long as the other two). Two more concerts, one more recital, one initation, aaaaand...oh yeah, gotta get a job. woohooo. But...9 days and counting until finals week and then it's all over! huzzah!! i can't wait until summer. Can't. Wait. Too. Much. To. Do. musthavesummerorexplode!!!!!!!!!!! phew. that being said...i'd like to go ride my bike before the chamber orch. concert. I was supposed to go swimming, but i wimped out because I didn't feel like packing up all my shit and going. So, bike riding shall be my exercise of choice for now. schmu.