goals, ambitions, crazy stunts...just in time for new years!

Okay, take a deep breath. I'm about to tell you something you're not going to believe. Are you sitting down? Here's a fan. Let me prop your feet up. Ready? Got your heart medication? An inhaler? No, seriously.

I went running tonight. On my own volition.

Crowd check. Is everyone still breathing? No pain in the arms or chest? Wait...this man has overgasped! Call a medic!

I have a little germ of an idea in the back of my head about someday participating in a triathlon. I'm a great swimmer, I like to bike, but the only problem is I just can't run. Or can't stand it. I don't know. What I'm figuring is, this can be my challenge this year. Overcome the fear of running, and get a great ass in the bargain! I know, I know, it's already great. Well, perfection can always use a little spit and polish, don't you think? (This is the point where I fiercely deny any allegations that I am doing this to be skinnier. That is just not a feminist notion and you just forget it!)

So what better night than the one that happens to unleash a typhoon upon north Texas to start? I couldn't come up with a good reason, either, other then that sometimes I get it in my head to do something and I don't go through the pros and cons first. Pro: I want to. Con: Too late, already doing it.

The plan in my head was to jog to K's house, water his plants, stretch a little, and head back. It's about 3/4 of a mile, maybe, each way.

I made it. Both trips. All the way.

I'm sure there were various nocturnal snails and slugs going faster than me, but that doesn't matter. Heart rate, up!

My hips hurt. And I'm not sure I should be running in shoes three years old and falling apart. I've got that weird shallow breathing thing going and I'm soaked through.

But I knew I was going to like it when I gave myself a goal on the way back: get to the end of this block, and walk the last block home - and then I disregarded it. That's about when I started laughing, and I'm pretty sure I went a little crazy.

Tomorrow could very well be a day of pain.

I'll take tips and tricks. And new shoes.

as usual, i am behind on the times. can i still be tragically hip?

Because it is a season of giving, this is the only time of year that I manage to finagle new music for my collection. I spend all year pining after new releases and old favorites and make little lists in my head about what I will get when my parents give me some money to go out and buy stocking stuffers for the three of us.

Yes, I know everyone has an iPod now. Screw you. Us poor folks are still cool enough to hang on desperately to our rapidly outdating traditional media.

Anyway, A Review, by Lorn.

Jenny Lewis and the Watson Twins: Rabbit Fur Coat

You must own this record in some form or another. Please. Do it for the kids. And the polar bears. And the ozone layer.

I like it when lyrics make me crack a smile and laugh a little, not because they are particularly hilarious, but because they are delightful. Jenny Lewis frequently does this to me, especially in her capacity as the kick-ass frontwoman for Rilo Kiley.

This one got me today:

If I run uphill I'm out of breath
If I spend all of my money I've got no money left
If I place all of my chips on only one bet
I'm all in

And it's a surefire bet I'm gonna die
So I'm taking up praying on Sunday nights
And it's not that I believe in your almighty
But I might as well as insurance or bail
-from The Charging Sky

Go get it. It'll make you feel introspective and silly and sexy and mysterious. It will make you walk down the aisles of Trader Joe's whistling the slow, silky tune of "Happy" and cause cute boys to stop and stare at the fascinating woman in their midst. And world peace. There will be world peace.

friday random ten, 'my music is so eclectic' edition

Haven't been able to do this in a while, but since I've secretly stored up a fair amount of music on my parent's computer...

Fire up your mp3 player of choice
Hit random
Document the first ten songs

1. Sweet Jane - Cowboy Junkies
2. All Lifestyles - Beastie Boys
3. Concerning the UFO Sighting Near Highland, IL - Sufjan Stevens
4. Minha Voz, Minha Vida - Caetano Veloso
5. Making a Killing - Phantom Planet
6. Dance of the Young Girls from Rite of Spring - Stravinksy/LSO
7. In the Garage - Weezer
8. The Happy Birthday Song - Andrew Bird
9. In diesem Wetter, in diesem Braus from Kindertotenlieder - Mahler/Berlin
10. Jackson Cannery - Ben Folds Five

new and improved lorn!

Now with better vision and clean teeth!

Some observations, since I've been all Listy McBulletpoints lately:

-Having my teeth cleaned is the same kind of nice, in a strange and slightly creepy way, as having someone with long fingernails wash your hair. That's the one thing I miss about going to have my hair cut as opposed to doing it myself. Besides the professional, not fucked-up haircut, of course.
-I was worried to go to the dentist, since I've not been in a long time. I was worried to go to the optometrist because I haven't been in a long time. I get worried about going to hmm, let's say a lady-parts exam because I haven't been in a long time. The longer a time it gets to be, the less I want to go because I'm afraid of what they might say or might find. This is extremely silly and neurotic and I should really get that looked at. But it's been a long time, so...
-My optometrist is awesome because he is completely aware and sensitive to my weird left eye issues. And he cleared something up about why I have weird left eye issues, which is another post entirely.
-Did I mention that my optometrist looks like Wayne Coyne from The Flaming Lips and since I'm inexplicably and irreversibly attracted to Wayne, I am therefore a little crazy in love with my optometrist? Is that weird? That's weird.
-My teeth are perfect except for one small spot that needs sealant. See? I'm a bad-ass.
-They are so smooth now my tongue just slides right off of them. Shiny teeth! Clean!
-I'm hungry but I don't want to eat and spoil the clean. I guess that means it's time to do some holiday shopping.

surprise, it's sunny!

Back home in SD for about ten days for the holidays. Today's already been a bust in terms of California appreciation, but that's my fault for staying up all night at C's work Christmas party, which started out annoying, was sort of frustrating in the middle, and ended up a fun learning experience.

For instance, a scenario: That cute boy or girl you like? In a relationship. Le sigh. But guess what? The SO is pretty much the raddest person on the planet and you can't resist the urge to gather both of them up in a bear hug and tell them you love them. With kisses.

San Diego is sharp and bright and clean, beautiful and unique. It makes Denton seem like the drabbest, shabbiest place on the planet, which it may very be.

The internet is fast here at home, but my parent's new LCD monitor is too big and makes my eyes water. Death by large text font!

The Daily Show. I can watch the Daily Show tonight.

Tomorrow I have a long-overdue optometrist appointment. Thursday I have a long-overdue dentist appointment.

Yes, I will play my trombone. I promise. Projected degree recital date: March 31st. Save the date!

the thing about libraries

Remember when I used to live in Plano, and my douchebag roommate (not you of course, jChris, but that asshat you left me with) would randomly decide we didn't need the internet anymore? And so I'd walk to the library, a good two miles or so each way, listening to whatever sad indie music I'd found that month to lessen my all-encompassing loneliness (usually The Shins or Elliot Smith), and put up with the various sides of humanity that frequent a public library.

I'd forgotten. Using the internet at a public library is an exercise in patience.

Let's see. There's this lady with a baby, and the baby's alternating screaming and giggling with pounding loudly on the countertop. Oh christ, now he's doing both at the same time.

Also, in timely fashion as usual, my need to use the bathroom for twosies (thank you, Zach Braff...marry me) has asserted itself, a near unavoidable consequence of any visit of mine to a library or bookstore.

And there's the fact the each page just takes ever so slightly more time to load than you think it should, or it doesn't load at all until you refresh it three times.

The guy next to me is laughing at something. Uncontrollably.

OH MY GOD IT IS SO COLD IN HERE WHY THE HELL IS THE AC ON SO HIGH!!?!?

I'd love to continue with this line of thought...but I'm freezing and I have to poop.

i guess i'd call that good timing...

I think my computer has finally shit the bed. Good ol' Speedy Gonzales, the computer I got for free from Jerry two years ago (although in no universe should you even begin to think it's only two years old at this point), has decided it will no longer turn on. Push the start button...zippo. Just sort of an "uhnnnnrrrrr....no" and then nothing, a black screen.

And after all the love and care I took updating it from Windows 98 to XP, increasing its memory, polishing its clunky 90s laptop curves?

But seriously, it put in a good fight, and thankfully it waited until after my two research papers were due to throw in the towel, as if sending me a last, "you go on without me...save yourself!" The problem is now the fact that, having no money, I have not the werewithal to acquire myself a replacement. I suppose it's never been entirely necessary that I have my own computer, seeing as how the UNT computer labs are fast and shiny AND have Finale software already installed, and I can do most of my work there and save it to disc or flash drive. But lately I've been having dreams of mp3 players and playlists and mixed CDs as holiday presents, and you can't very well do those things without a fast computer.

I guess I'll just have to wait. I know AKGPT* Day is coming, but I've sort of worn out my parents' gift-giving agenda this year already, what with...the new car and the inability to pay rent and, oh, the new glasses and contacts coming my way. I already feel badly enough as it is relying on my parents to save my ass in financial matters, and I sure as hell can't put anything else on my credit card.

So for now I must pine, and burn, and cherish the Macs that dance enticingly in my head, and instead truck my ass off to the library down the road whose web browser system makes my blog site look like complete crap and wonder...just how long will this go on?

*Atheist Kids Get Presents, Too

it is sweet. swee-eet.

I am 7 pages away from packing up the semester for good. 7 measely pages.

In the meantime, here's an overview of what I learned this semester:

1. Single is good, and a lot more fun.
2. Sex is serious business and you shouldn't mess around with it unless you want to get burned.
3. Drinking is best done in stages and slowly.
4. Acting like a bad-ass because of bad-ass things that you've worked for have pulled through can often mean that bad-ass things will continue to happen. Because you are a bad-ass.
5. Watch your party's tip jar. Don't ever let it go.
6. Trombone is all about confidence.
7. Enjoy the moment. Embrace the future.

the one in which i am a bad-ass

Let me just say, I am feeling like a rock star today. There are a couple of reasons, but let me get to them in order.

In the realm of trombone, I am a bad-ass for two reasons.
1. My jury was the best I've ever played for the faculty, and I've never felt so relaxed and confident playing with piano. It was a taste of what it must be like to be completely a professional player, and just do what you've trained to do instead of worrying about the little details.
2. I auditioned for and won a spot in the prestigious and world-renowned UNT Wind Symphony. Wooo! Prestigious and world-renowned!
I found about this yesterday, but I was pretty sure I got it on Wednesday when the director was extra friendly to me after I played for him. This led to two nights of celebrating...and tonight is our big party. Which leads me to...

In the realm of social activity, I am a bad-ass for a two-part reason.
1a. As a trombonist (well, hell- as a musician in general) I feel part of my training is in going out and living it up a little, or a lot, whichever is called for by the situation, and still managing to pull off all standing obligations with grace and responsibility. I am good at this.
1b. Confidence in my playing ability and general capability allows me to be more social and free-spirited, which makes for more fun and interesting situations.

In the realm of academics, I am a bad-ass for two reasons.
1. In my MUET class, I scored extra points for bringing up Foucault in the context of my paper presentation, and I managed to look completely knowledgable and intelligent on the subject of mbira music's role in the Zimbabwean revolutionary movement of the 1970s.
2. I aced my take-home test for my history class.

And I got the next issue of Y: The Last Man from the library, on top of being on a total "rock out to Radiohead" kick, on top of getting some long over-due money from students, on top of being excited to go home in a week and a half...

The semester, she has redeemed herself.

let me make this clear to you- i am not a lush

Christ.

I don't know what this winter break is going to be like, but if the lessening of responsibilities and the greater concentration of free time that I have now is any indication, I may very well be in the running for a new liver. Probably gonna need some exercise as well.

Case in point: Last night I went to a coffee shop to study and read for class, and ended up at a bar selling $1 Shiner Bock and listening to live jazz. Nothing wrong with that in concept, of course...only that it was Monday night and I did have work to be doing.

Fueling my adventures of late has been the fun I have been having with a new friend, Ben, who's pretty much the coolest thing since sliced bread since he lets me get drunk and talk his ear off with stories that lead nowhere and teach nothing. I got pretty sappy on him last night, telling him he was the highlight of my semester. Well, that's true anyway.

On top of this, it's nice to be free of emotionally and psychological commitments to people who don't give a damn, and to not have anyone lined up in the queue for my affections (not that that line's ever very long to begin with). It's much better to just relax and be able to have fun with friends, rather than thinking about who you could be with all the damn time.

In the meantime, I'm winding down on work I have to do. Tomorrow is my jury, and I'm also auditioning for the top wind group here, but I'm not sweating that too much...I'm feeling confident about most of my playing and the parts I'm not so hot at...well, mostly it's just the high notes, and I've learned not to stress out about that.

And Friday, we party. If you are around, you must come. It will be THE EVENT OF THE CENTURY. I can say no more.